DRESSES

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

127 Hours

I watched 127 Hours movie in our flight back home from Beijing (I hope I’ll be able to document my opinion about the trip later…) and I love it so much!. It was my kind of movie.

I always have a bias towards actual events movies and epics. Those fictions the like, Lord of The Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter and such could make me sleep in the cinema.
I knowwwww… I am boring! But what to do, I just can’t take it I’d rather watch “the makings of them” or just pure cartoons.

So, may be many of you know about this movie, but I really don’t.
It is about Aron Ralston, a mountaineer whom got his right hand pinned by a boulder against canyon wall due to an accident drop. After being trapped for 127 hours, he got himself freed by the only way he got, that was to amputate his own hand.
He did so by breaking the bones and cutting the flesh and nerves using a blunt kit knife. Isn’t that really something extra ordinary? To top it up, he had to descend a 65ft canyon wall with one useable hand all by himself using whatever tools he had and further walked until he could reach for help.
I thought this man is amazing I couldn’t resist myself but to google more about him once I reached home. There were so many articles about him since the incident happened back in 2003, that he is now a motivational speaker, still an avid mountaineer, appeared in many life talk shows, cast in survival reality shows and even being a host to tv programs...

Where have I been for these 8 years that I know nothing about this man?

Aron describes whatever he did in the canyon as “Not losing his hand, but gaining his life back”. I salute him for being so positive towards LIFE.

I believe the strong will he has to live makes him sees things differently. And I also believe, the exposures, the opportunities his parents given him nurtured him in a way. There was a scene in the movie while Aron was trapped, he had a hallucination of him as a boy sleeping at the back of a car. His father then woke him up, carried him while he was still blurry, walked towards an edge of a Grand Canyon wall to watch the sun rises. The father’s line was something like “Hey buddy, wake up.. watch this…..”
When there were many of my favorite and heart pounding scenes in the movie, this one made me shed tears and the most significant to me. (Yeah.. I watch movies that I like with all my heart…)

Parents guidance is so important in shaping a person, I’ve long realized. Most people that are successful or outstanding in whatever field sure thanked their parents the most.
Richard Branson of Virgin always associates his parents in daring him to do the impossible.
The late Prof. Randy Pausch remembered his parents in always giving him opportunities, the simplest thing of letting him to paint his room wall.If you haven't listen to 'The Last Lecture', I strongly recommend for you to google and do so. It's worth it.
The late Steve Jobs of APPLE, though never acknowledge his biological father, sees his adopted parents as creating a path for him.

I so hope I am giving my best to always open up opportunities to my own girl either with my direct or indirect actions. The ways things should be seen in a broad picture. Knowledge is not just pen and papers. World and universe are to be own and shared.

My aunt, Cik Jah is lucky to have 8 children. She wishes all of her children to be around her, live near to her. Do things around her. Some people that I know, have the idea of their children to be schooling near home all the time.

But me, I don’t mind my girl to fly. To fly free as high as she wants, while it is my duty to once a while remind her that ground is still the place she stands.

And so Mommy asked her : “Nada, do you like Beijing?”
She answered : “No, don’t like Beijing, I like hotel..”
Mommy : “Why ?”
Nada : “Beijing (she meant outdoor) got whiuh-whiuh-whiuh (both hands showing wind blowing vigorously to her face). Beijing so cold, Mommy.”

Mommy likes that she has her own opinion.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

We have..

In the yard... some old ones, some new ones...

In the box... new Boots!.. extreme cuteness

.. in packing for hols trip mood

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Diaper bag and Make-up kit

Dinosour vs mankind on Mount Fuji

I meant to blog about this for many weeks, however only now it happen. Better late than never, eh?

My friend from school, Sabine who is now raising her family somewhere in Oz requested me to make her daughter a make-up kit and a diaper bag for herself on commission.

Gosh! It was a big request. I’d never make a make up kit or a diaper bag before.

So, with basic of my own on-the-go sewing kit organizer, I whip up the make-up kit. I'm so cincai.. i don't even have proper full make up set to compliment the kit for photo sake !... It has three slots zippered pockets at lower part for small items.

wrap around ribbon tie.

As for the diaper bag, I made reference to this tutorial, this blog and my self figured comforter bag that I made sometime back.

Results turned out to be like this :

FRONT Rear zippered pocket

Side pockets......one with elastic grip, one with velcro closure. I told Sabine she may want to replace the measuring tape with a stethoscope since she is a doctor.

tiny pocket on the strap for small items.. thumb drive, mp3, earphone... stuffs like that.

inside bag..

This diaper bag was the second item in my handmade list that I made following step by step tutorial after the booties. Oh! Frankly, I'm not comfortable to follow tutorials. It kinda make me nervous if I miss a step or do not understand the steps.

I didn’t exactly follow the measurement given in the tutorial because my friend has two babies of about to be 1yo and 2yo, hence I figured she needed bigger bag than the given measurement to put diapers and stuffs of use by double!

I also added the stroller hang referring to Aida’s blog and changed one outer side pocket to elastic grip rather than Velcro closure provided in the tutorial.

It took me one weekend to finish up the bag, with all the interval breaks… the like entertaining the princess cum ultraman, house chores, eating out and brought-home office works (blerggh)!

All in all, I gave myself 3 marks out of 10 with reasons :

  1. 5 marks out of 10 is given to the person who came out with the tutorial and the blog that I made reference to for I was be able to sew this bag. So I was only left with 5 marks.
  2. 2 marks out of 5 due to me was minus upon my mistake in putting the magnetic snap, that I had to re-do.

Simple arithmetic, 10-5-2 equals 3 marks which were valued for me.

On another note, I gave myself full 10 marks for making Sabine happy. She was very satisfied with her bag and asked me to make two more make-up kit because her daughter’s grooming stuff couldn’t fit into one. (booo to me... a 9 year old has more make-up than me !)

Both make up kit and diaper bag were sent to Sabine through a school friend, Aida whom is also living Oz that came back for Aidilfitri holidays.

Aida and me. I almost terjun longkang looking at this mother of two still slim figure!

Sabine paid me some RM 400 (about.. can't remember the exact figure already la) for both… Good? That covers our two weekend visits to The Butcher Steak House. Okay what…..

I have another request from school friend for the bag which I had been procrastinating. She wants to use it for her frequent travels. So I’ve figured it would be something to have :

1. Zippered pocket in the inside for passport, wallet & hand phone

2. Padded slot for I-pad or compact laptop

3. Elastic grip pocket at side for water bottle

4. Small pockets at outside with Velcro closure for card tickets like Octopus card, whatever necessary according to that particular country.

5. Slots for pens

6. The strap should be long enough that she could have it cross her shoulder.

How I want to make for her, but my time is so limited.

Arghhhhh… I love to create things………

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Jalan-jalan

I am sure most of us watched the CCTV record of a two year old girl in Beijing being ramped down by vehicles driven by two stupid-crazy-human-at-it’s-lowest-sense-being-a-homosapien. And those 15 who did nothing are equally bad.

We were angry and saddened by end of the episode.

It left shivers in my spine and I was speechless. My perception towards Chinese-China is even more grounded. K.I.A.S.U.

Ya, this ‘langgar-lari’ happens anywhere including here in my own country! Indeed, it is a sad thing. But I am sure it doesn’t need the 18th person to have courtesy to help here. I really hope so!

I read a thread comment on Youtube if I can remember it’s something saying that people in China are also outraged towards the incident.

But then, come on! 1 out of 18 only did care of a laying blooded child body in a busy market! Kalau difikir.. macam tak masuk akal….. It is a large pool of heartless people if we take consideration of 1.4 billion China's population, isn't it?

True enough, Made in China. My boss always says "You can find, have, make anything in China..."

  • Invent eggs. Feed people poison = get rich! Yuan..yuan..yuan…
  • Baby formula + poison. Feed babies = get rich! Yuan..yuan.. yuan..
  • Knock a child down. Better knock twice so she’ll die = save some Yuan! Richer by few thousands.

Sigh....

Despite terrified with the incident, I do look forward of our upcoming winter trip to Beijing soon. I believe the city itself has a lot to offer, or it could be just me who is always.. gatal kaki.

Hence, in preparation for the trip.. getting my family warm and cozy is the priority. I’d checked our coats, jackets, gloves, hats, muffler and wool socks. All are still in good condition, Harris and I don’t need any new ones. Errr... may be a couple of new socks will be good.

Ms Dew however, sure needs whole set for she hasn’t has any winter clothing as yet. This will be her first trip into the 'cold'. Well, she visited Bandung some 3 years back.. but Bandung is just cool not chill.

'We’re 85% done in getting her attire inclusive of new pairs of long john for us.

I’m still in the quest of getting her gloves, muffler, boots if possible (o! that Clarks children boots really caught my eyes - still thinking...) annnndddd adding to my list is a child harness! We are so gonna tie her with maximum distance of half a foot from us during our walks. Ok! I might be too much. May be ONE foot.

..wooot - wooot..

Oh Allah, instill in me, my family and friends good values so we would do good to ourselves and all around us. Amin.

Monday, November 21, 2011

football

* O god.. i'm so nervous watching this SEA Games final football match!................... i'm just going to rumble stuffs.

* ooooohh.. we just had a score! SERI now.. I'm having adrenalin rush as much as the players, I guess.

* Half time!.. how slow I am putting lines in this space. Nada gets upset with my shout. It annoys her and keeps comparing with Daddy whom has no sound at all. Hey! Daddy is as cool as cucumber and Mummy is as hot as lada cengek. Don't compare.

* Anyway, the Indonesians supporters behavior reminds me of Kelantan's supporters. Fanatics and to certain level, downgrade the means of sports.

* It's already 90+3 mins full time. So scared!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Each day

Earlier today at around 4pm, Nada called me from Rafi's hand phone. In her exact words :

"Mommy, I going Nona house (with) Uncle Pi. Later I befriend Mommy, ye. Mama Ika oso (read : also) going. Selamat Hari Raya..!"

Isk... She sure is growing up so quickly. Daily life I have to face.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Checklist for upcoming trip.

1. update Nada's passport photo. CHECKED.
Nada - 1yr 1month old.
Nada -3yrs 9months old
- Smile always like Daddy
-Big head with jendul forehead still
- Same eyes and eyebrows
- Less cheeks
- More significant chin and nose
- More hair, definitely
- More teeth
- Same pretty (and ganas too) brown girl

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

She makes Mommy happy

Cik Byie hosted a birthday party for her Ibu and Cik Ra on Saturday a couple of weeks ago. Oh! how I love family gathering and good food. Good food for me is not necessarily exquisite French clear soup. Even the simplest snack of rojak buah is splendid when enjoyed in the cozy ambience with people whom you love.

We had :

- BBQ of Lamb (my favorite meat), chicken and prawns

- Spaghetti Bolognese

- Sandwiches

- Vegetables of Brocholi, Egg plant, Capsicum, Potato and Chicken Salad with my signature dressing. (Mek take pride in tis one)

- Rojak Buah

- Cheese cake

- Trifle Puding

- Hot coffee and Cold Sarsi

Kata party kan… My girl arrived in style. Her first TUTU, none other than Mommy’s handmade.

Of course, sharing stories, gossiping and catching up is a must during gatherings! That's everybody listening to my layar lara.

It reminds me of Nada’s antique that I shared during last Raya with my family which had created a big laugh among us.

It happened during Ramadhan.

Hmmmm..... let me elaborate a bit of our Ramadhan. I would say this year Ramadhan… we had the most days seated Iftar at our home dining table compared to the years before. The first 3 years of our marriage, my Iftar was basically kurma and kuih in SKS bus commuting KL-Seremban. T.H.R.E.E years! ok.. Not bad for someone who is not very patient like me. Once reached Seremban, Harris would be waiting to fetch me and I got to rush home for Maghrib prayer because it’s almost to Isyak. Done with prayers, only we went out to eat.

After 3 years, Harris then changed job to Subang. So both of us were commuting Seremban-KL. We prepared kurma, drinks, kuih & snacks in the car for Iftar which usually took place anywhere along KL-Seremban Highway. Full meal and Maghrib prayer were usually at the Seremban R&R. Simple it is.

The fifth Ramadhan together we had moved to KL, along came Nada. She was a still a tiny 7months ol baby. UH.. I can remember she’s 7mths? Ya because her first raya she was 8mths and for the first time had a high temperature ever since she was born. She had measles.

Aidilfitri 2008 – 8months : Fever

Aidilfitri 2009 – in Kebaya Nyonya

Aidilfitri 2010 – Mommy made her 10 dresses

Aidilfitri 2011 – wear make-up !

and skinny jeans..

Ever since, Iftar were like anything, anywhere that suit our schedule or more of it, Nada’s schedule. It could be, Harris rushed to fetch Nada, fetch me and we had Nasi Briyani near my office. Or Harris rushed to Pasar Ramadhan, I rushed to fetch Nada, we went back home… Nada not wanting to settle so I ate like sprinting a 100m run or Harris ate with a baby in his lap.

This year for our 8th Ramadhan together, things were a lot more smoother. My cousin Rafi whom has been staying with us for few months would head out to Pasar Ramadhan for Iftar menu. I gave him such allowance and the prerogative to make choices the way he wishes. Harris and I basically have no objection. Ya, we’re simple! At the same time, Rafi is kind enough to ensure rice is cooked and menus were properly served on the dining table, like this :

He has a bit of time to doing it because he usually reaches home at around 5.30~6.00am whereas I could only step foot at the doorstep around 7.15am no matter how rush I was. Even though I left office the earliest possible.

So, things were very smooth flowing until one day Rafi had a Buka Puasa function outside and Harris went to JB for an outstation, hence I was left with Harris’s daily task of fetching Nada from her Nanny’s… also the Iftar menu.

I fetched Nada and not bothered to go to Pasar Ramadhan because I knew there’s not much left at that time. It was so close to Iftar I decided I would just cook something simple and eat later once Harris reached home, in my calculation would be in next half hour to 40 minutes.

As I was unloading the bags and stuffs from the car, Nada told me – “Mommy, nak berak..”

Alahai, I quickly had them all on my shoulder and hand… My handbag, office bag, lap top bag, Nada’s school bag, Nada’s school library book folder, Nada’s water bottle.. all that I could. (When one is staying in an apartment… leaving something in the car and got to go and get it later vice versa, is something you hated most..)

With my shoulders and hands full, we hurried up home and straight to the toilet for Nada’s No.2. Can you imagine me trying to unlock all those house grill & door with only one free hand and a toddler pressing me to be fast. Stress!

Nada would never want to sit on the water closet though I bought her a seat extension for toddler. She would climb up the water closet and squats on it. Once squats, she has the habit to pull the water closet cover and lean the cover on her backside as if covering it. One hand then covers her nose and mouth. She’s very sensitive over her No.2 not wanting anyone to look.

She asked me to close the door and never peeped!

Usually I would just wait for her outside by the door, but that day I decided I needed to take out some stuff from the freezer to be thawed since I wanted to cook and I was running out of time prior Harris reached home.

I made the needed few steps to the kitchen while I kept asking Nada “Are you finished? Are you finished? Are you finished? Over and over again.

I felt the comfort of doing so. It’s something to keep my awareness level awake. Like if she slipped the water closet there would be instant communication between us both. I don’t know.. can’t really explain.

I took out the necessary from the freezer quickly possible and walked back to the toilet quickly possible while keep on asking “Are you finished? Are you finished?”

It surprised me to bumped into Nada at the room door. I asked her why did she come out of the toilet when it was yet washed !

Her face looked so fierce and a funny site too, one hand on her waist whilst the other one pointing at me, all naked with round belly of a toddler.. You…you NOT listen, Mommy. I NOT finish…! ”

She walked back to the toilet and repeated the whole process : PULL STEP STOOL, CLIMB WATER CLOSET, GET HER POSITION, PULL SEAT COVER, ONE HAND COVER NOSE AND MOUTH.

She looked at me : “See what happen already.. Me (My) poo-poo cannot come out !”

HAHAHAHAHAH.. I tell you…. I may not be good in putting it into words but it was SO funny. Her bowel system must be upset because of me keep on asking “Are you finished ? ”

All that combination of squatting on the water closet, fierce + frustrated face and her broken English….. Gheez..

“Nada – do sad”

“Nada – do happy”

“Nada – do gold fish”

“Nada – do shock, Oh my God!”

My favorite chocolate brownie.


Saturday, October 8, 2011

Want to try

One stranger asked me where do I learn up sewing. By the way, I met him at a shop that I frequent for tailoring supplies or to finish up my tailored garment frail edges since I don't own a serger. He's the shop owner's brother.

I told him I don't take any classes, it's just try an error kind of thing and my mami is a seamstress, so may be I got a streak or two from her.
He didn't quite believe me and insisted I sure took up classes. Don't know la how to talk to people like this. He shouldn't had asked me if he had decided he has an answer or something..

Anyway, besides referring to the internet, this is how i do :

See dresses that I like, tebalkan muka... brave myself.. and start taking photos...

belek sana, belek sini..

check out the joints and what not.

After that, i dream of it... try to figure out how to make.. during my baths, during unfruitful meetings that I have to attend and I'm not the chair person.... anytime I can find.

So, some people just knew the ingredients of a dish by just tasting it.. I want to believe Allah s.w.t lend me a priceless gift to be able to sew.

I want to make something like this for Nada. Harap-harap menjadi.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Everyday marks a history

Mommy likes that she's not all the 'princessy' type. Girls do climb, jump and kick too.

Today, for the first time..... my 3yrs 8months and 6days girl let go our hands by herself and followed my cousin Rafi for an outing.

I was surprised that she finally accepted Rafi's offer after so long and weird me, I felt melancholic about it.

Mommy hopes you wouldn't do it so often.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Kids and EQ

Many times I have this feeling that I want something that much but I feel people just don’t get it or not align with me in getting things done. It could happen at work, at home anywhere. Recently, it got to me and I really could not hold it any longer. I broke down to tears out of frustration and agitation.

Nada was puzzled looking at me crying, she came to me and asked few times.. “Kenapa Mommy nangis?”

I didn’t answer her but I didn’t want her to feel bad or thought that she’s got anything to do with it. So, I picked her up, put on my lap and just hugged her. Somehow, she too had watery eyes and eventually rolled down her cheeks with no sound.

Kids! They all start with good EQ within their own self.. Nada wanted to show me her compassion towards my grievances.

I didn’t want it to prolong, so I companied her for noon nap.

Lucky me that I now have a good hobby to distract me from stress, agitation, angriness and whatever negative ‘nouns’ to focus on something worth it. Yup! It’s sewing. While Nada took her noon nap, I spent the time in my tiny corner with Lady Gaga. All that makes me sick at that point in time just vanished for all I wanted was to finish the pretty dress.

... Mom of owner of the dress had chosed for Basket with fruits button. Cute stuff!

I was still stuck with Lady Gaga when Nada woke up from her about an hour noon nap. She came straight to me and again asked…. “Mommy, why you crying?.. why you crying?” (now in English.. maybe she thought I didn’t understand her the first round. J.)

Mommy - “It’s nothing..”

Nada – “Mommy, you scare? Tak pe.. Nada cry…!”

Again, Kids! They all start with good EQ within their own self … Nada wanted to tell me “It’s okay to cry when you need to because other people cry too.”

In Mommy's handmade : Aidilfitri 2011 lines ~ The Chest Pleat Dress

with random helicopter button for the sash, match up with her helicopter sandals

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Baby A

The next time I want to bring home a baby whom is not ours, I swear I must explain to my baby girl clearly as it is.

Oh dear! I hope that doesn’t sound so bad.

My cousin, Cik Byie was admitted to Pantai Hospital last Friday for lung infection. Thinking of the chaotic to be faced by her hubby with four kids, I told myself I had to help out to take care of at least one. Not questioning of Mr Brad Pitt’s (of what Nada calls him) capability, but an honest offer wouldn’t be a harm.

So upon approval of the proposal by Mr Pitt, we fetched the youngest – Baby Amsterdam at their house and off to the hospital for a visit.

Baby A spent the whole weekend with us - shared our bed, made us laugh, also making us scratch our head in figuring out how to clean baby’s poo-poo again. Nada had been acting the BIG sister. Fairly a good one.

I told her –

“You got to pack your toys properly for you do not want Baby A to put them into his mouth and get chocked”. She obediently packed her toys the way I regularly do – The a-b-c’s properly arranged in the supposed case, the books where they were supposed to be, the small free Mc-D toys in one bag, etc-etc.

I asked her –

“Nada, can Mommy trust you to look after Baby A while he’s asleep that Mommy need to take a bath. If he cries, come knock on the door ok?” She nod at me with the look “Yes I can” and sit next to Baby A like a “watch dog”. I was about to enter the room when I heard Baby A giving tiny little sound in his sleep and Nada came running to me “ADIK NANGIS – ADIK NANGIS – ADIK NANGIS!”. Serious face that actually made Baby A awaken from his good sleep!.. Sigh. Mommy postponed shower.

Nada supervising Mommy giving Baby A warm bath while having a towel in her arm.

Nada helping Mommy to dress up Baby A while she herself was barely dressed.

Nada counting sheep prior noon nap with a hand touching Baby A to ensure he's by her side.

Nada doing "gold fish" imitating Baby A chubby cheeks.

Nada keep convincing Daddy that she could hold Baby A though Mommy quite not accepting the idea fear for Baby A would roll out her tiny lap.

Nada sharing Daddy's lap with Baby A - THIS IS A REAL SOMETHING!.. Not easy, o!

Came Sunday evening, we brought Baby A to hospital after attending a Raya Open House with arrangement for my aunt, Cik Ra to bring him home while Cik Byie was still being admitted. Mommy got to work the next day.

So when the time to depart, Nada was all sour with the idea of Baby A would not be returning home with us. She wasn’t being briefed earlier on, hence was not aware of it.

She refused to salam anyone, I had to give in by letting her sit with me at the front instead of her car seat. Not five minutes we left the hospital compound, she cried her lungs out as if the world is going to tear apart. Again, we had to give in by bringing her to McDonalds for a treat so she would cool down.

We succeeded with our quest that Nada was a happy ding-dong girl once entered the red-yellow-white eatery. ONE DRAMA QUEEN!!!

So to speak, we went home. I was cleaning in the kitchen when I heard Nada lamenting so badly not knowing the cause.

Harris told me, he saw Nada sitting on the chair with tears rolling down her cheeks. No sound. Only when he asked what happened that she burst out crying – “Arik Adam.. Arik Adam… Arik Adam…” Poor girl, she must had missed him that much.

I undressed and bathed her. Still crying that her face turned red and kept saying “Nanti Arik Adam nangis, dia nak Mommy”.

She came out of the bath room and saw Baby A’s pants. Again, with loud cry - “Arik Adam pajamas” while pointing.

I tried to soothe her. Only after some time she settled down. My cousin Rafi then asked her “Kenapa Nada nangis?”. She again had watery eyes…. Tears rolled down her cheeks. No sound. I shooshed Rafi away and carried her into the room for sleep. She saw the empty space that we placed Baby A for night sleep. Again, with loud cry – “Arik Adam sleep here…..”

So sad, okay…… The emptiness that Baby A left had taken it’s toll on her.

I couldn’t find any other words to ease her sadness that I just hugged and kissed her a million times until she fell asleep.

I was wrong, my girl was not acting big sister after all. She thought she WAS the big sister.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Aidilfitri wish and ramblings


The saying goes : Better late than never!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to muslim visitor(s). :)....... Syawal is yet to end anyway..
Also, I sincerely seek apologies from all for my wrongdoings, be it my physical actions or if there's any part of my writings here that hurts anyone, anywhere.
When I meant all that write in this space, it however never meant to hurt anyone.

I'm feeling a little bit 'down' at the moment and it's bad that I'll be having a presentation to Datuk Raja Nong Chik tomorrow. Hmmm..

For some reason, I couldn't attach the photos to an e-mail that I want to send. Mafusio!

Still, it's not the real reason to my gloom. I'm questioning my decisions and wonder "When are we going to make a move and stay in our house?" "Why are we so slow and there're always setbacks?"

God, please make this one a smooth ride. Please, please , please.

No, not my house. Am responsible for the house renovation design. How can this not make me wonder. We're of the same age from the same school. She has a beautiful house, gorgeous slim figure and FIVE kids!!!

Being an architect sucks!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

the commission sewing continues

... and another order, I'm creating a series for this which I shall name "My first Louboutin (almost!)" for the chili red sole. hehehe..