Friday, February 27, 2009


We arrived at the hospital 10 minutes later than we were supposed to and I went straight to the ward admission counter. After some documentation work and paying the deposit amount, the same admission staff escorted me to the ward. A ward nurse then measured my height and weight.
Once done and shown to my room, I changed my outfit to the hospital gown and tried to make myself comfortable. Breakfast was served but Harris finished it all on my behalf because I was required to be fasting.

At around 8.30am, an Aesthetician by the name of Dr ARxxx came to see me. He briefed on the procedure and queried if I would be opting full body or half body anesthetic.
I thought since it’s gonna be a minor operation, I chose half body anesthetic knowingly it’s never good to be under anesthetic drugs. I was also required to sign the permission form for allowing drugs to be inserted into my body.
Frankly, I think this Aesthetician got to polish his ‘people skill’. He didn’t speak that well and seems lazy to further explain. He should responsibly give details on what he would do, what type of drug he would use, how long it would take to take effect… bla, bla, bla and most importantly, describe to me what I should expect to feel.
I did ask him the questions, but I know those were ‘lazy answers’ I got from the way he answered. Should he answered same way in his exams during the study and if I would be the lecturer…. I could have failed him. May be he thought, even he explains I wouldn’t understand. WRONG JUDGEMENT!. Lazy bump. Please la doctors…… (all my dear friends whom are doctors, be passionate la sket. There is this word we pronounce as HOSPITALITY fits best in hospitals…….)

A nurse tried to take my blood for testing using the syringe from my left arm, but she failed. I thought so, as I had it before during my pregnancy. I was told my veins were too ‘halus’ and they were deep underneath the skin not wanting to surface even though with arms exercise.
Dr Ishak then came for a ward round check with a nurse, again tried to take my blood from the right arm. This another nurse also failed miserably leaving my arms in a sore due to syringe puncture with no blood coming out.
Final effort was from the doctor himself, using like-butterfly shape clamp.. being inserted to the back of my left palm. Luckily, he didn’t embarrass himself. Siap cakap – ni kalau tak boleh jugak… malu saya dekat ramai nurse nih!

For a long boredom in the room, my turn at last came at around 11.00am. I was required to change bed and was wheeled to the Operation Ward with Harris accompanying me right to the door. In the Operation Ward lobby, I was again transferred to another bed and being asked procedure questions by a nurse – I heard other nurses called her ‘Sister’. Among the questions were :
1. What is your name?
2. Do you know what operation to undergo.
3. Who signed the anesthetic permission form.
One question, I thought I was so blurrr WAS…. Have you been cleaned? In my rightful mind, since Operation Theatre is a room theoretically to be cleaned and sterile, I answered…. Well, I have taken my bath at home before coming to hospital.

The sister gave me one big smile!

Apparently, that was not the answer she expected for the actual question was purportedly – “Have you been shaved?” Kuang – kuang – kuang! How do I know to read between the lines! Just ask-la. Duh.
So folks, should you ever being asked this question, don’t be so *blurr* like me… answer correctly.

After so, only I was wheeled into Operation Ward and being place at another holding area next to a patient. Dr ARxxx came again and checked the information board by my feet. He walked around to and fro with no single word to me and all I knew, injected somekind of drugs (I guess) into the drips. Just about 5 to 10 seconds upon, I felt the effect…. It was cold…. So cold and so vividly felt that the drugs was running thru my legs and my back.

Few nurses were also looking at the information board and asking among themselves on what sort of operation that I would go thru. I was so scared of the operation, but scared more knowing the nurses actually didn’t really understand what was written on the information board.

To nurses, even if you all don’t really know …. Shuh! Talk away from the patient! Apa la!

Then came, a tall-dark-handsome looking guy wearing green color robe and introduced himself to me as Dr Halim – the Aesthetician responsible during my operation. One look of the information board, he explained to the nurses of my operation and they went…. “OOOOooooo”

15 minutes to 12 noon, I was wheeled into the Operation Theatre.
Alahai, again…. So, so scary to me. It was a very cold, bright and so ‘white’ room. In the center was the operation table with huge spot lights about 4 feet above it and sharp utensils at sides. The only good thing about the room was, they played one of my favorite nos by Michael Bolton – Time, Love & Tenderness.

From the bed, I was transited to the operation table. Really, it was hard and so uncomfortable. Dr Halim was sensitive towards my reaction that he ordered an operation theatre staff to place a pillow under my head. There I was on the operation table observing peoples – walking around me, preparing the tools and whatnot.

Not for long I was asked to raise and sit with a slight bend forward holding a pillow close to my chest. Dr Halim told me he would perform the anesthetic injection at the lower part of my backbone or also called as epidural space. I could feel the cold antiseptic solution being rub at my lower back, and with a warning….. Prik! ….. Aduh sakitnya! Besar betul rasa jarum tuh!

Instantly, my legs were heavy and numb. I was helped to being placed on my back and I knew, that was it. I was so terrified which my tears eventually flew out from corners of my eyes vigorously. MAN! I should just have asked for a full body anesthetic!
In a sobbed, I told Dr Halim that – I am scared. This handsome doctor gave a friendly pat on my shoulder ensuring there was nothing to be afraid of. He’s such a gentleman, I was about to ask him if he’s married for I have many SMART-HOT-SINGLE friends that I could introduce to him. Ghee!
He then suggested for sedative to make me sleep. There goes, another drug into my drips.

Now not only my legs were heavy, my head was too. In my heart I was reciting… Subhanallah – Subhanallah – Subhanallah. But far-far-far at the back of my head, I heard Mr Bolton shouting :
When love puts you thru the fire
When love puts you thru the test
Nothing heals a broken heart
Time Love and Tenderness…..

….. Alamak, mana satu nak ikut nih?…. show me the light, ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, February 23, 2009


It all started when I had a lengthy episode of coughing in December 08 before the Aidiladha. Along with the coughing I felt something is not right, uncomfortable and there was a bulge by the vaginal wall.
But there was no pain at all, I was able to urine as normal and my menstrual cycle was perfectly on time before and even after I could feel the bulge.
I thought, was it the pelvic floor muscle has gone loose due to my coughing?… and further more I was not practicing the Kegel exercise that often anymore due to laziness.
I read an article before, pelvic floor muscle may go loose and sometimes even got hang outside the vaginal as women aged. My…. My not in my 30s!

Anyways, I told my other half that I must see a doctor for an advise. We decided for a visit to my cousin – Feby’s favorite family physician in Ampang – Dr Azizah on 16.12.08. I had a checked and this friendly doctor told me, it was nothing associated with pelvic floor muscle. All of my pelvic floor muscle, ovary and bladder were intact.
The bulge was about 3cm in diameter and she suspected it only contained liquid. She then referred me to an Obstetrician and Gynecologist in Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital who seems to be her friend, Dr Fauziah.

As I went out from her room…. My heart went….. *dup-dap-dup-dap-dup-dap* - a hundred times faster!

The next day, I made my way to APSH to arrange for an appointment. To my astonishment, I would only be able to see Dr Fauziah in a month time, should be on 19.01.09 because she’s only in the clinic for 3 days a week. The others are the locum doctors. Argh!… All these rich doctors in private hospitals. They only have to work 3 days a week and yet so wealthy! (Nada! Mommy wants u to be a doctor in private practices!…. he, he. Whatever……)
I made up my mind, I can’t wait for a month just to see a doctor. There are so many fish in the sea, so why try to fish for a difficult one.

On the 03.01.09, (do not have the chance to go any earlier than the date due to visiting from family all thru Christmas and New Year Hols.) I went to see the OB-GYN whom earlier handled my delivery, Dr Ishak in Seremban Specialist Hospital. From the check, he briefed me that the bulge is called para-urethral mass. Urethra is an area which form a female private part. As to my case, he agreed with Dr Azizah that the bulge looked only contained liquid and suggested for an excision surgery.
DEAR ! … surgery? I had a cold feet and tabled my own suggestion trying to avoid any kind of surgery. I asked Dr Ishak, since it only contains liquid, can we just make some kind of small pierce and let the liquid out?… macam bisul?… he he.

Don’t laugh at me……, he noted it is also one way but by so doing the bulge may reappear and an excision is still a better option.
Hmmmm, I am not so sure if that could be the best advise or he was thinking of RM-RM-RM-RM he would earn by performing the surgery. But who am I to judge a specialist doctor’s advise even though I always know it is not necessarily the best option.

So, there it goes, 16.01.09 was the date scheduled for the surgery. (If I were to wait for the doctor in APSH – I would still be waiting for the appointment date just to see the doctor)

A week before the scheduled surgery, I decided to change the date to 23.01.09. It was because my office would be closing down the whole week of Chinese New Year, so I thought coinciding the break with my surgery would do good to reduce unattended office work once I go back to work.

Am I a good employee or a STUPID one? Most would say a stupid one - when you can have a ‘free’ m.c and skip work, why coincide it with the office break?
Not to feel so stupid I’d like to think of other reasons to postpone the surgery would be, the date 16.01.09 was too near to my menstrual and should I been bedridden at home, Harris would not need to take many days off from work since CNY is declared as public holiday, to take care of me. Further more it was a surgery which was categorized as not so urgently required.

Of all, I was worry the most about Nada. How would I arrange for somebody to take care of her while me being hospitalized? Harris suggested to bring her along but I was not so fond with the idea, knowing it would not be easy, even though I would love to have her around me. I do not want to upset her routine particularly her dines and sleeps if she was also brought to the hospital. I could imagine Harris feeding Nada milk-milk-milk and only milk whenever she cries as how was he going to prepare her meals in the hospital? And should Nada needed her sleep, where would Harris place her? Had I under estimated my husband? Well, I was being practical.

I thought of sending Nada to her Nanny’s, but it was a bad idea either. I don’t feel it was good for Nada to spend her night at the Nanny’s for she might feel – it is bad enough for Mommy to leave me by day, now Mommy wants to leave me here by night too. (Or was it me whom actually felt that way?)

At last, the kindhearted cousin of mine – Feby was glad enough to take care of Nada when I asked her should she was able to, after the suggestion from my another cousin, Kakak. For Nada, I imagined her thinking, it was just a sleepover at her Cik Byie and Uncle Brad Pitt’s place while she could also catch up with her cousins – Big Bro Aqil & Sis Izz.
I have always thought of it but I do not want to burden no one, if possible.

The week before surgery, I spent late nights after work increasing Nada’s puree stocks in the freezer so it would be easy for Harris to prepare her meals should I was unable to do after the surgery. Getting all these brick-a-brack prepared, in a way made myself prepared for the surgery until just a day before, I received a phone call from Dr Ishak’s clinic clerk.

The clerk during her phone call informed me that I should register at an earlier time for ward admission, 8.30am was changed to 7.00am. It was all because she forgot to ask for my signature pursuant to filling in the insurance claim form. Since the surgery can only be performed if clearance from insurance company is obtained, I was needed to arrive earlier than supposed to be to expedite the clearance procedures. Du-uh!

Arriving in SSH at 7.00am means I had to make the move from my place latest by 5.30am, considering a stopover at Feby’s. Not very difficult, but thinking of carrying Nada while she was still sleeping and left her in the dark dawn, she’d freak out …. I don’t think I should.
I told the clerk, 8.30am means 8.30am. I don’t want to change my plan and if need be I would pay the hospital bill in cash and get it claim later.

Out of rage, I notified Harris about the wanted change. Thankfully, Harris has always has his own ways in putting scenarios back in place whenever I can’t.
Since I am the type whom always want things to be in the way I planned and easily get agitated if it slacken, Harris on the hand is a calm and cool type, so he balances me well. This is one of many things that make us compatible this far. After a good discussion and comprehending Harris’s saying, I was no longer the fierce-ugly monster wanting to eat the clinic clerk but all relaxed and composed, accepting that I just have to be in the hospital at 7.00am. Lets not make a fuss about it.

Monday, February 16, 2009


Nada a day after 1st Birthday

Nada turned one 17 days ago on 30.01.2009. For her first birthday, I decided for a top-up to her education insurance fund and something for a fine remembrance I ordered a gold name pendant at Habib Jewels out of my own pocket. Not that I am a fond of *bling-bling*, but I always agree gold will be a worth-it buy as memoir to mark a celebration. And since the gold price is hiking up by day, I think I will only get her the pendant this year, the chain… tunggu dulu, maybe next year! He he. Unless, daddy is willing enough to take some from his pocket for the chain or else Nada will get a chainless pendant for her first birthday. :P

See mommy, I'm big enuf to swing like Jane of the jungle

even, my car seat is too small for me now... i think i need a toddler seat

As much as me not wanting my girl to end her year one, she on the other hand is pressing the acceleration pedal, speeding fast. Crossing a year old line, I noticed Nada was showing so much new developments in just this two weeks. I used to play *chik-ku-chak*…. Tickling her underarms… Blowing her tummy….. She would giggle all the way as I did it to her.
But now, it’s the other way round, she is the one trying to blow my tummy or tickle my underarm or does the *chik-ku-chak* to me. He he …. It is so cute, to have small little fingers trying to ‘geletek’ my underarms. When I forbid her from blowing my tummy by holding my shirt as I am lying down, she will move away from me. At the instance that I let go my shirt, her speedy hands hastily grab my shirt, raise it and she would blow my tummy making sure she left as much saliva as she could! Upon so doing, she’d give me her cunning looking smile and big laugh as if saying – “I got you!”
Since, she is still not able to say words… her *chik-ku-chak* is….. hide behind our see thru sliding door curtain, gives a sweet smile and waits for me to say *chik-ku-chak*! Only then she’d show her face by lifting the curtain. How adorable!

She was able to differentiate a phone and a television remote control a couple of months back (May be just ours). If it is a phone she’d put it to her ear as if there is some one on the side, as for the tv remote control, she’d point at the tv imitating what we usually do. This morning when we rushed for work, I asked for her to hand to me the tv remote control to turn it off. She refused, so I told her – “Nada, please help Mommy to turn off the tv by pressing this red button” in just an abrupt way, not even looking at her face thinking she would not comprehend. Instead, she did pressed the red button with her index finger. When the tv went off, she clapped both of her hands and gave me her cheeky teasing smile. Maybe she didn’t even understand what I said, but her action was so prĂ©cised.

I did realize that Nada was trying to use her index finger for already quite some time. Somehow, she was only mastering to use it a few days back when she carefully pressing one-by-one of her play organ notes. Not the way she used to do, sometimes with 2 fingers, 3 fingers or simply her hold fist banging anywhere of the organ part as long as any sounds came out!

Nada has such wet mouth with saliva constantly dripping that I always need to put the bib on. Her Uncle Brad Pitt (nslave) said if I ever ‘takung’ the drips, I can actually use it to water the house plants! Many say I could have wanted to eat something during my pregnancy but was not able to. Some say, it could due to teething. We waited for the teeth to extrude out long enough but not until on Valentine’s Day two days ago it really appeared, although the shades have been in her gum for months. I soon will be able to use her toothbrush and not the gumbrush anymore.

glimpse of my tooth! - x-cuse my nostrils, :)

I usually place Nada’s shoes in line and the diapers in stack at each side of her clothes cabinet’s open shelves. Since the shelves are within her reach if she stands by holding to the cabinet, she just love to pull the shoes and diapers out to the floor and create a big mess.
Last week after like the usual mess she does, she looked at me and called me (in her own… AAAAA) with a proud face messing Mommy’s keep. I think she expected me to pick up the mess, but I just let her be instead. She then herself, picked up the shoes and diapers and put them back at the shelves. What amused me was she separated the shoes and diapers into different shelves just the way I do. It might be a co-incidence – I don’t know. Only thing they were not in line or stacks la….. simply shaft in! I regretted for not having the chance to catch it in a video. Harris brought the camera to his Penang site visit.

arghhhh,... wouldn't it be fun to mess up those inside the chest too.

Wonder what more development Nada will show and what more joy Nada will bring us in the coming days. I just so thankful to Allah s.w.t for lending me His greatness by allowing me to have this wonderful moments of motherhood. Should I ever fail to perform my responsibolity as a mother, I pledge His mercy to show me where have I gone wrong and give me the chance to make it right.

A year of pleasure having Nada Firas had passed… but just in a calendar year, never in the beat of my soul. She will always be my little girl at heart……. And of cause, daddy’s too.


wif mommy ... i can stand, but i can't let go the stroller!

wif daddy

wif mommy & daddy

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

...IT'S A PALE GREEN HOME by YantiMahamud

Chapter 4 - Five Rooms of The Home

~~~~~~ Coming soon to your screen sometime in February (hopefully) ~~~~~~

**** Ini adalah iklan

Friday, February 6, 2009

..IT'S A PALE GREEN HOME by YantiMahamud

Chapter 3 – Ibu Rumah

A typical Malay traditional house that I learned during my architectural study must always have the poise and grandeur of ‘Ibu Rumah’. This significant element was also reflected to my home.
The Ibu Rumah of my home began right from the front main entrance door with the size, I estimate, was 15ft x 12ft almost a square shape. This part, it actually contradicted with the theory that I learned, of which it is supposed to be an ‘anjung’ or a semi private area for any traditional house acts as a transition area before entering the Ibu Rumah.
We don’t have any ‘anjung’.

The space then lead to a bigger main area of approximately 27ft x 30ft. Big, huh? And believe it or not, there was only one ceiling fan at the center of this huge space back then. I remember, I used to directly headed to the area upon a tired long walk in the afternoon hot sun for returning home from school and reciting Quran, took my afternoon nap under the fan with just my undies.
One rule by Mok, all of her grandchildren under her care must take afternoon nap on daily basis! It’s for resting according to her. So it was not only me… there were few nos of us … “selonggok bawah kipas!”. Sometimes, with one’s head at somebody’s foot.
One cousin whom always had the longest sleep was Rafiyuddin.
After our nap, we love so much if Mok fed all of us under the fan if not at the legendary bright orange concrete staircase. Our favorite was rice mixed with tomato ketchup and soya sauce coupled with soya sauce scrambled egg. My cousin Safrul, would not trade with anything else for this simple gourmet. Don’t know if he still have the love for soya sauce scramble egg now…

Both of these squares spaces of Ibu Rumah were linked and divided into 5 areas with designated function. There were a formal living area, formal dining area, family / tv area, multipurpose area and also an area separated from the multipurpose area by a checkered wooden divider fronting the formal living with the most frequently changed look almost like a chameleon making it as my favorite area of all.

Sometimes, Mok placed two of one seater sofa guarding a huge flower bouquet there. At another time, Mok would convert it to an ‘audio’ area by putting a radio. Also it could be a display area for her shining antique copper gadgets such as big pots, small pots, iron, trays, candle holder and whatnot. If Mok feels to just dress it up with only a nice carpet and few cushions, it then would look that way.
Whatever way Mok did it, it was always looked good with the checkered wooden divider as the backdrop full of Mok’s little display items, example from the many types are China-Japan ceramic saucers and glasses, copper mascara container from Mecca and souvenirs from weddings.

What makes this chameleon like area more makes sense was it’s strategic location. It was at the heart of the home and being a focal point for anyone entering the home from it’s main entrance, as they walked pass through the formal living area.

The formal living area on the other hand, I consider it as Mok’s show-off show room. Well, her showing off was not to other people but her own-self for satisfaction. It’s the area where Mok would place the best furniture set with the finest upholstery cover usually matched the curtains complete with knitted or embroidered chair-back and small cushions. The coffee table must always be complemented with a pretty cover and changed of flower bouquets. So were the corners of living area, must always be beautify with flower bouquets or any displays. Ash-trays must always be emptied and cleaned up. It was really a nice-neat space, well lit-up and airy caused by the crossed ventilation.
The only thing…, we can’t really spend our time at the formal living. It was supposed to be Mok’s ‘show room’!… not a play area for a mess by her many grandchildren…. But we don’t really care, there were plenty of other spaces in the home. If not, the home compound is big enough for our runs!

Mok serves the multipurpose area as an ironing space and for telephone. The telephone was so logical that Mok locate it so near to her bedroom so that she was able to monitor who used the phone even if when she was sleeping. Oh dear, Mok has beautiful daughters – my aunties and also growing up grandchildren who just love to hang on the phone!
I don’t really know why the ironing table was placed there though. I guess… because there was a socket at that spot?
But somehow, it worked well. It was not far from my mami’s sewing area that she had to commute from her sewing machine to press the cloth during her sewing. And at night, despite the ironing table was placed at the multipurpose area, there was no need to switch light on for ironing. The light from family or tv area where we usually spend awake time at night the most would be enough.
Mok usually did the ironing at nights. Again, Mok was the one ironing the school uniforms for her grandchildren staying with her, under her care. Mok would neatly placed all the ironed uniforms including our socks and handkerchief according to each of the grandchildren for the ease of us in the morning! Very particular and I really thank Mok, not only for all her does for me but the great example she had portrayed. I must have got the gene from her when it comes to being neat and proper.
We were considered as best dressed kids to school in our kampong with cleaned, ironed uniforms every day. Wonderful.

My home, seemed so modest……… but was a very practical and so beautiful in it’s own way. The home itself, the events that took placed in it be a sweet or a sour one, the way things were done in it… had been a canvas to my childhood life. It was painted so well that I now develop to be the person whom loves herself so much.