Thursday, April 16, 2009


I had a ‘fight’…. Relax-relax-relax… calm down, not with my other half but with few men. When I say few, there were about 9 to 10 of them against just me, only me… seorang perempuan Melayu berkulit gelap dengan ketinggian tidak sampai 5’. If it was a physical fight, I could have been bloody wounded on the floor, thankfully it was a word fight.

Those 10 men were Chinese males being associated with me through work. I am engaged in an industry being dominated by male gender and the scenario is even more difficult for me that I am working in a Non-bumi architectural firm. So is to say, my office will end up with private jobs and by rule of thumb those involve around it are also the Non-Bumis. It is pretty normal for me to chair a meeting full of Chinese males except for me, a Malay female. And I tell you, it was never-never been easy to make them listen to me until I learned how. I guess, the gist of all is always the knowledge. When you know your stuff well, people will respect and look at you in a different way.

I also learned for the matters that I am not good with, I swallowed my guts and in a prideful manner admit the lack. Again, people will in a way respect you and don’t mind then sharing the knowledge they have.

I don’t remember how the matter was brought up, somehow we end up in a deep discussion turned argument about polygamy. Apparently, they viewed that it is a bias to Muslim females for Islam to permit polygamy. May be they just want to ‘poke’ me, but there I was performing whatever ‘silat’ trying to defend the Hukum when the subject is a taboo to most Muslimahs. With no at all in-depth study pertaining polygamy, I tried my best to bring the good side of it. : -(. Stories of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w and stuffs.
Of course, I also crossed the line pointing out on issues like mistresses, adultery, importance of Nasab in Islam and sex within certain parameters that I set.
At all times, tried to seed in them the beauty of polygamy that I do believe Islam has made it for.

Kalau discuss dengan jantan-jantan Muslim yang gagah perkasa…. Senang pulak rasanya, when I just have to stand strong showing how bad polygamy may turn out to be due to kelemahan-kelemahan manusia yang mudah lupa ini!

Over the ‘fight’, I made it clear that I do not know for the truth of the matter why and for what reason polygamy is permitted in Islam besides all the good deeds portrait by Prophet Muhammad s.a.w in exercising polygamy.
However, I opine that Allah s.w.t as creator of all mankind knows the fullest. And because He knows all, He knows polygamy is necessary. I always say, men don’t have to have a reason for polygamy. It just it. My true encounter, I know :
….. Someone whom intended for polygamy for reason many of my family members think the wife could be too fierce. Not sure if he actually marries the other woman.

….. Someone whom exercises polygamy when the wife hardly raise her voice more than one decibel to him. Always was a beautiful wife until now she doesn’t care less of her appearance for her madu… bukannya cantik pun. To say if it’s because she doesn’t do cooking much, her madu doesn’t too.

….. Someone whom married her high school sweet heart that she regarded the love of her life and spent years of ups and downs right from the time studying abroad together, ended into a divorce because ex-husband was into polygamy and now she is somehow somebody else’s second wife.

….. Someone of my age agreed for polygamy being the third wife to a husband more than twice of our age or can also be called as granddad.

….. Fair enough with wealth the Sultan of Brunei has, he can afford to have two wives, but I know someone whom married a fishmonger as a second wife and the husband’s income is barely enough to support one family for a day to meet an end. Now that the husband does small contracting jobs building houses, he intends for a third wife! Guanno tuh? *geleng kepala sikit*

So, where do we draw the line for reasons of polygamy? For me, it needs no reason at all.

The golden question during the fight was…. Semestinya, how do I take if my husband wants to exercise this right of his. Toing!!!!!!
I told them, I’m not gonna be a fake and lie. I surely will be mad and I don’t have the purest heart to let go my husband. On the other hand, I never exclude myself on the probability of being in the situation. The rational part of my brain says so.

I will be infuriated and if when Volcano Tambora erupted in the year 1815, world temperature dropped due to ash covering and caused a year without summer, I think my madness will probably produce the heat that may raise the world temperature resulting all ice in Alaska and Antarctica melt. (….okeh, okeh, exaggerating!)

However, really against all odds that he had taken measures on the responsibilities he has to bear for wanting to put himself in the situation….. how much can I stop him anyway if he had decided so? Betul tak?

One thing for sure, I always tell Harris… for whatever rationale, do confront me. Never do it at my back, never cheat on me. CHEATING ME IS INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE. I can’t tolerate that. Hope he’ll understand the extent that I can take and the extent that I can’t.

US, Happily married for this far, and pray for ever after.