Monday, February 23, 2009


It all started when I had a lengthy episode of coughing in December 08 before the Aidiladha. Along with the coughing I felt something is not right, uncomfortable and there was a bulge by the vaginal wall.
But there was no pain at all, I was able to urine as normal and my menstrual cycle was perfectly on time before and even after I could feel the bulge.
I thought, was it the pelvic floor muscle has gone loose due to my coughing?… and further more I was not practicing the Kegel exercise that often anymore due to laziness.
I read an article before, pelvic floor muscle may go loose and sometimes even got hang outside the vaginal as women aged. My…. My not in my 30s!

Anyways, I told my other half that I must see a doctor for an advise. We decided for a visit to my cousin – Feby’s favorite family physician in Ampang – Dr Azizah on 16.12.08. I had a checked and this friendly doctor told me, it was nothing associated with pelvic floor muscle. All of my pelvic floor muscle, ovary and bladder were intact.
The bulge was about 3cm in diameter and she suspected it only contained liquid. She then referred me to an Obstetrician and Gynecologist in Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital who seems to be her friend, Dr Fauziah.

As I went out from her room…. My heart went….. *dup-dap-dup-dap-dup-dap* - a hundred times faster!

The next day, I made my way to APSH to arrange for an appointment. To my astonishment, I would only be able to see Dr Fauziah in a month time, should be on 19.01.09 because she’s only in the clinic for 3 days a week. The others are the locum doctors. Argh!… All these rich doctors in private hospitals. They only have to work 3 days a week and yet so wealthy! (Nada! Mommy wants u to be a doctor in private practices!…. he, he. Whatever……)
I made up my mind, I can’t wait for a month just to see a doctor. There are so many fish in the sea, so why try to fish for a difficult one.

On the 03.01.09, (do not have the chance to go any earlier than the date due to visiting from family all thru Christmas and New Year Hols.) I went to see the OB-GYN whom earlier handled my delivery, Dr Ishak in Seremban Specialist Hospital. From the check, he briefed me that the bulge is called para-urethral mass. Urethra is an area which form a female private part. As to my case, he agreed with Dr Azizah that the bulge looked only contained liquid and suggested for an excision surgery.
DEAR ! … surgery? I had a cold feet and tabled my own suggestion trying to avoid any kind of surgery. I asked Dr Ishak, since it only contains liquid, can we just make some kind of small pierce and let the liquid out?… macam bisul?… he he.

Don’t laugh at me……, he noted it is also one way but by so doing the bulge may reappear and an excision is still a better option.
Hmmmm, I am not so sure if that could be the best advise or he was thinking of RM-RM-RM-RM he would earn by performing the surgery. But who am I to judge a specialist doctor’s advise even though I always know it is not necessarily the best option.

So, there it goes, 16.01.09 was the date scheduled for the surgery. (If I were to wait for the doctor in APSH – I would still be waiting for the appointment date just to see the doctor)

A week before the scheduled surgery, I decided to change the date to 23.01.09. It was because my office would be closing down the whole week of Chinese New Year, so I thought coinciding the break with my surgery would do good to reduce unattended office work once I go back to work.

Am I a good employee or a STUPID one? Most would say a stupid one - when you can have a ‘free’ m.c and skip work, why coincide it with the office break?
Not to feel so stupid I’d like to think of other reasons to postpone the surgery would be, the date 16.01.09 was too near to my menstrual and should I been bedridden at home, Harris would not need to take many days off from work since CNY is declared as public holiday, to take care of me. Further more it was a surgery which was categorized as not so urgently required.

Of all, I was worry the most about Nada. How would I arrange for somebody to take care of her while me being hospitalized? Harris suggested to bring her along but I was not so fond with the idea, knowing it would not be easy, even though I would love to have her around me. I do not want to upset her routine particularly her dines and sleeps if she was also brought to the hospital. I could imagine Harris feeding Nada milk-milk-milk and only milk whenever she cries as how was he going to prepare her meals in the hospital? And should Nada needed her sleep, where would Harris place her? Had I under estimated my husband? Well, I was being practical.

I thought of sending Nada to her Nanny’s, but it was a bad idea either. I don’t feel it was good for Nada to spend her night at the Nanny’s for she might feel – it is bad enough for Mommy to leave me by day, now Mommy wants to leave me here by night too. (Or was it me whom actually felt that way?)

At last, the kindhearted cousin of mine – Feby was glad enough to take care of Nada when I asked her should she was able to, after the suggestion from my another cousin, Kakak. For Nada, I imagined her thinking, it was just a sleepover at her Cik Byie and Uncle Brad Pitt’s place while she could also catch up with her cousins – Big Bro Aqil & Sis Izz.
I have always thought of it but I do not want to burden no one, if possible.

The week before surgery, I spent late nights after work increasing Nada’s puree stocks in the freezer so it would be easy for Harris to prepare her meals should I was unable to do after the surgery. Getting all these brick-a-brack prepared, in a way made myself prepared for the surgery until just a day before, I received a phone call from Dr Ishak’s clinic clerk.

The clerk during her phone call informed me that I should register at an earlier time for ward admission, 8.30am was changed to 7.00am. It was all because she forgot to ask for my signature pursuant to filling in the insurance claim form. Since the surgery can only be performed if clearance from insurance company is obtained, I was needed to arrive earlier than supposed to be to expedite the clearance procedures. Du-uh!

Arriving in SSH at 7.00am means I had to make the move from my place latest by 5.30am, considering a stopover at Feby’s. Not very difficult, but thinking of carrying Nada while she was still sleeping and left her in the dark dawn, she’d freak out …. I don’t think I should.
I told the clerk, 8.30am means 8.30am. I don’t want to change my plan and if need be I would pay the hospital bill in cash and get it claim later.

Out of rage, I notified Harris about the wanted change. Thankfully, Harris has always has his own ways in putting scenarios back in place whenever I can’t.
Since I am the type whom always want things to be in the way I planned and easily get agitated if it slacken, Harris on the hand is a calm and cool type, so he balances me well. This is one of many things that make us compatible this far. After a good discussion and comprehending Harris’s saying, I was no longer the fierce-ugly monster wanting to eat the clinic clerk but all relaxed and composed, accepting that I just have to be in the hospital at 7.00am. Lets not make a fuss about it.

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