Sunday, January 18, 2009

MOMMY'S CRY

My dear girl is soon reaching 12 months in another 2 weeks, which can be equally saying as celebrating her first year birthday!
For me, I have a mix feeling towards it. So happy that she is gonna be one and very-very-very sad that I haven’t got enough of her year one.

It is a bad thing that the percentage of my SAD is bigger than my HAPPY.
I feel like putting her back into my womb and start it all over again except for the painful giving birth part.

She grew up too fast for me. The fact that I am a working mother, further cuts down my time spent with her. Sometimes, I deny myself in believing facts such as when her nanny told me about her new developments that she was able to roll onto her tummy until I seen it with my own eyes. I even record the date of her first time in her Baby Book according to my first time seeing whatever new development.
What the heck … I’ll let her know later when she understands. At least, that is the guide … “it’s mommy fist time seeing you…. roll, on all four, crawl, sit up straight on your own, drink from the beaker, taking first step, …. And more”

I guess, that is the painful price I have to pay for not able to be with her round the clock.

As Nada ventured into her 11 month, I started to decrease the amount of my home made puree stock in the freezer. The usual one and a half week stock became a week stock. I decided to more freshly cook her meals in the morning before going to work and bring to the nanny’s. It is solely because I feel she has taken puree so much, she might get bored and I want to let her has the taste of toddler food… more of textured and chunkier foodie. Along to it, I alternate with purees.
Four days ago, she had her first pasta. It’s a recipe I got from watching The Naked Chef by Jamie Oliver. Was it Naked Chef? It could be other of his many shows.
Jamie used spaghetti but I used macaroni instead.

It was Macaroni Beef with Steamed Cinnamon Asparagus. Sounds good? It smells good too!

Fetching Nada after work at her nanny’s, I asked if Nada likes it or not? Her nanny happily let me know that Nada has no refusal at all… and seems to like it. Fuh… worth my effort. Prolonging the usual ‘bual-bual’, her nanny informed me … “Saya rasa sikit masakan tu. Tawar. Saya letak garam!!!” in her Indonesian dialect.

I thought…. What the f***!

I, myself have already go against the advise in the many books on Baby Food that I read for not to add salt and sugar by adding itsy-bitsy-tiny-winy little amount of salt, and now she added for more!!!!!!

Aduh, macam nak meletup – Of course, that can only happen inside me. Politely, I told the nanny.. Well, next time you don’t to have to put any salt in any of Nada’s meal…. with a BIG FAKE SMILE on my face.

Again… I guess, that is the super painful price I have to pay for not able to be with Nada round the clock……

Among all, yesterday’s repeat incident broke my heart the most.
Like usual, Harris will unpack Nada’s stuff from the bag once we returned home after fetching her. Taking out the towel, Harris told me that it smell cigarette’s smoke.

I have told the nanny before, should her husband wants to smoke, please avoid the children. But, how on earth I can control it not to happen?
I take a great deal on health care and cleanliness. It’s almost my daily routine to sweep house floor twice a day. It gets tighter on weekends that I only complete my cleaning by sweeping using the conventional broom for the first round, follows by vacuuming to ensure the tiny dust between floor tiles, carpet, sofa, dining chair being removed, then moping the floor, disinfecting Nada’s toys while waiting the floor to dry and lastly wiping the floor using Magic Clean cloth.
I make sure only sterile bottles to be used for her feeding……. and others. To me, that’s the least that I can do. Alhamdulillah, I am so grateful that close to 12 months of age, I only need to bear Nada catching fever for 3 times. Once was longer than two days. It was at the 8 month and during Aidilfitri. She had measles. I pray for Allah swt to always bless my prayers for her good health.

Thinking my girl inhaling the cigarettes smoke and damaging her lungs, brain cell, blood cells….. my heart shattered.

Is this also a scorching painful price I have to pay?

I desperately need a wiling to listen to me helper, whom can daily come over to my place to take care of Nada while I’m working. I don’t mind paying a maid’s pay with No house chores required.

Current decision, come Monday…… I will make a survey for Nursery, but I know for sure … there will be other painful incidents to happen due to this decision.

This entry… is dedicated to my dear cousin, Azmadie – stop smoking, will ya!

3 comments:

mentibang's family said...

:D

nslave said...

yay!!! I'm a celebrity!!!! my name got mentioned on the net... yay again! :p

you should talk with the nanny about the smoking incident, tell her that nada is allergic to cigarette's smokes or whatever, some people need to be constantly reminded, probably they thought its ok to do it as nada grown up.

Sending to the nursery isn't to bad i guess... at least the first word that nada speak won't sound like inul :p

don't worry too much... even a full time housewife had a set of problem to deal with..

btw, i think the nanny is trying to make nada wiser by putting some extra salt into the food. most likely she watch to much tv3 and heard karam singh walia saying that ...orang tua yang lebih dulu makan garam.... and take it literally .. hehehhehe....

whm6840 said...

I really like you, nslave. That is why you are one of my beloved!

U really make my day at this sleepless hour of mine.