Monday, October 26, 2009

Mommy is tired

I am tired.
Could somebody tell me how to get money flowing in without having to work my ass like a donkey or by just shaking legs?…. besides being married to a rich old man or to a rich old man’s son. Too bad, I have passed the period of courting!

I am so tired that I feel like taking an unpaid leave for a month and fly to Arctic to join the polar bears hibernating in the caves. It is so overwhelming to reach home after work even though the time shown is 9.00pm by having lil dew running towards me with her arms opened wide wanting me to pick her up.
But…. I felt so helpless that all I did was give her a big hug, lots of kiss and carry her for not more than 60 seconds because I was tired.

I am so tired, still I do not want to restrict my little darling having fun with her toys just because I would get scorching head to tidy up the mess she’d make. Dew’s favorite is ransacking my handbag looking for my purse and stationary case which if full of colored pens, pencils, markers, art liners, scale rulers, rubber erasers, cutter and little stapler – I am an Architect maaaaa….. YES, I carry all these in my bag. Upon finding the two, she’d take out everything inside on to the floor. She’ll be VERY happy exploring.
I am so tired, I wanted to shout at her – STOP! Mommy has no energy to pick up the mess…. But I didn’t because I am too guilty to stop her.

I am so tired, though I know my dearest other half loves real hot Darjeeling tea with slight lemon juice and slice to be accompanied with IKO biscuits for supper, I only served him 3 in 1 instant coffee mixed with semi-hot water which already been kept in the trusted thermos for more than 24 hours.
I am too tired to fill up the jug kettle to boil water, too tired to prepare the tea, too tired to cut the lemon and squeeze for it’s juice! I am so tired – I just did the extent that I could.

I am so tired, I dozed off on the sofa in front of tele while entertaining my love dancing knowing loads of chores to be done at the back of my head.

Nada dancing her part Sarawak Sumazau and part Maori Hakka dance………..

My sleep on the sofa hardly continue past midnight, I reflexively wake up after close to couple hours of nap nearing to 12 night not surprise with the house condition which is like a tongkang pecah or telah dilanggar garuda. Sigh! Leave that a side first. Turn on tele channel 702, ahah! Have a laugh with The Nanny & Friends, if it’s Thursday… 107 for Grey’s Anatomy re-run and make sure a box of tissue is by my side.

I am so tired, I have no choice but to resume with the mundane things though it’s 1am. I’d start with laundry if any of the two laundry bags (one for Harris and me, one for Dew) is shouting that it could no longer hold, washing Dew’s bottles and food thermos, sterilizing, preparation for breakfast, tidying up the messy house, vacuuming if need be (well, no neighbors yet complain) watering and talking to my cute little pot plants, hanging dry the laundry and thousand and one others to do until I decide it is enough for the day and to stop for hot shower.

All the necessities had been done.

I am so tired, sometimes I find myself crying on prayer mat.

Still I am so thankful that after a long tiring day, I took a peep to Dew’s room to find out that my dearest husband had done a good job by nicely tucked our baby girl for sleep. I kissed my girl and could smell the Pureen baby toothpaste. Harris abide my instruction – Make sure get lil dew to brush teeth before sleeping! I am happy and whisper to her ears “Ashhadu allailaha illallah, waashhadu anna Muhammadur rasullullah. Aku naik saksi tiada lain yang disembah melainkan Allah dan Aku naik saksi Muhammad (s.a.w) itu pesuruh Allah”.

Again, my tears flow…. how I regret the much that I let pass my darling day-by-day growing up. I know No numbers of videoes or pictures will be enough to capture her antics. But until I am senile, I would always trust myself that I have enough memory of my little girl to remind me that she has a vast space deep in my heart.

I decided to lay next to her, hold her close to me, smell her nice jasmine-like scent.

Mommy is just merely tired.

Weekend morning at a neighbourhood park

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