I bumped to a friend whom I’ve not met for more than a decade. It was long enough that I almost did not recognize her, definitely contributed by her being so well groomed. She was a tall, beautiful lass then and now she is even more than gorgeous and charming. I got to know her for a very brief period when we both attended an induction program, Petronas organized for their scholarship holders during my first year in uni. Even though we were from different courses, we got acquainted well at the time may be due to many interests that we shared. So I would say, she and I can’t be considered as best or close friends but fair enough to be able to sit down for more than 2 hours to just talk and talk despite not seeing each other for so long.
My friend is now married and not working as she follows her husband almost to every corner of planet Earth due to his nature of work. She wore Nicole Miller, Christian Lacroix, Jimmy Choo and a diamond beaded Rolex. Carried YSL tote. What she had on her when I met her sums to no lesser than 30 grant and with no shame, I told her I was jealous of her. I had on me not more than 3 grant, most I had on my watch only . :( So jet-set la her! PHD – perasaan hasad dengki!
I came to know she’s been married for five years, but yet with any child.
After quite long chit-chatting, she asked me how come I never asked her ‘when’ would she want to have a child. Hmmm? I asked her back – Would she want me to ask her the question? Answer was, not that she wants but at the norm event people would ask.
I am now blessed with a joyful daughter after close to four years the age of my marriage. Before the arrival, I vomited blood every time people asked me the question. And years before, I vomited blood mixed with phlegm every time people asked me – “When are you gonna get married ?”
Are you married ? and When are you gonna get married ? are the kind of questions that very vast different interpretation one could make when being asked in different circumstances.
If I want to know a friend’s status when I really do not know, I’ll ask are you married. When I know and very sure a friend is planning to get married, I’ll ask when are you gonna get married.
But if I already know a friend is NOT married, I won’t ask just for the sake of asking.
When I know or don’t know if a friend is not planning or planning to get married, I won’t ask when are you gonna get married either.
Same thing with having a child. If I know or don’t know a friend is not planning orplanning to get child, I won’t ask when are you gonna get a child.
What I mean here is, I won’t simply ask question in the situation that I am not certain of the other party’s circumstances. I guess, it really ties back to the intention of the people who is asking and the way one asks.
I have had enough of people asking me these unanswerable questions.
If only to me, getting married is as easy as finishing up two plates of Lamb Chop at Victoria Station or if only getting a child is as easy as buying Happy Meal over the Mc Donald’s drive thru counter, I would have answered many people.
Now that I no longer being asked these questions, I am now frequently being asked – Bila nak dapat baby lagi? I would like to say, Sudahlah… Leave us alone, go find something useful to read on.