Mommy is tired

I am tired.
Could somebody tell me how to get money flowing in without having to work my ass like a donkey or by just shaking legs?…. besides being married to a rich old man or to a rich old man’s son. Too bad, I have passed the period of courting!

I am so tired that I feel like taking an unpaid leave for a month and fly to Arctic to join the polar bears hibernating in the caves. It is so overwhelming to reach home after work even though the time shown is 9.00pm by having lil dew running towards me with her arms opened wide wanting me to pick her up.
But…. I felt so helpless that all I did was give her a big hug, lots of kiss and carry her for not more than 60 seconds because I was tired.

I am so tired, still I do not want to restrict my little darling having fun with her toys just because I would get scorching head to tidy up the mess she’d make. Dew’s favorite is ransacking my handbag looking for my purse and stationary case which if full of colored pens, pencils, markers, art liners, scale rulers, rubber erasers, cutter and little stapler – I am an Architect maaaaa….. YES, I carry all these in my bag. Upon finding the two, she’d take out everything inside on to the floor. She’ll be VERY happy exploring.
I am so tired, I wanted to shout at her – STOP! Mommy has no energy to pick up the mess…. But I didn’t because I am too guilty to stop her.

I am so tired, though I know my dearest other half loves real hot Darjeeling tea with slight lemon juice and slice to be accompanied with IKO biscuits for supper, I only served him 3 in 1 instant coffee mixed with semi-hot water which already been kept in the trusted thermos for more than 24 hours.
I am too tired to fill up the jug kettle to boil water, too tired to prepare the tea, too tired to cut the lemon and squeeze for it’s juice! I am so tired – I just did the extent that I could.

I am so tired, I dozed off on the sofa in front of tele while entertaining my love dancing knowing loads of chores to be done at the back of my head.

Nada dancing her part Sarawak Sumazau and part Maori Hakka dance………..

My sleep on the sofa hardly continue past midnight, I reflexively wake up after close to couple hours of nap nearing to 12 night not surprise with the house condition which is like a tongkang pecah or telah dilanggar garuda. Sigh! Leave that a side first. Turn on tele channel 702, ahah! Have a laugh with The Nanny & Friends, if it’s Thursday… 107 for Grey’s Anatomy re-run and make sure a box of tissue is by my side.

I am so tired, I have no choice but to resume with the mundane things though it’s 1am. I’d start with laundry if any of the two laundry bags (one for Harris and me, one for Dew) is shouting that it could no longer hold, washing Dew’s bottles and food thermos, sterilizing, preparation for breakfast, tidying up the messy house, vacuuming if need be (well, no neighbors yet complain) watering and talking to my cute little pot plants, hanging dry the laundry and thousand and one others to do until I decide it is enough for the day and to stop for hot shower.

All the necessities had been done.

I am so tired, sometimes I find myself crying on prayer mat.

Still I am so thankful that after a long tiring day, I took a peep to Dew’s room to find out that my dearest husband had done a good job by nicely tucked our baby girl for sleep. I kissed my girl and could smell the Pureen baby toothpaste. Harris abide my instruction – Make sure get lil dew to brush teeth before sleeping! I am happy and whisper to her ears “Ashhadu allailaha illallah, waashhadu anna Muhammadur rasullullah. Aku naik saksi tiada lain yang disembah melainkan Allah dan Aku naik saksi Muhammad (s.a.w) itu pesuruh Allah”.

Again, my tears flow…. how I regret the much that I let pass my darling day-by-day growing up. I know No numbers of videoes or pictures will be enough to capture her antics. But until I am senile, I would always trust myself that I have enough memory of my little girl to remind me that she has a vast space deep in my heart.

I decided to lay next to her, hold her close to me, smell her nice jasmine-like scent.

Mommy is just merely tired.

Weekend morning at a neighbourhood park

1st hair cut

Disregard the bold shaving for 7 times before her age is one, lil dew had her first proper hair cut or I would say hair trim on 04 October 2009. And this was how it went .....

BEFORE HAIR TRIM

The jaggy fringe

DURING HAIR TRIM

Keep still, keep still..... (x-cuse my husband's 'tone' arm, i've trimmed off his tummy from the pix, but you just got to bear with the arm!)

AFTER HAIR TRIM

Yeah!!! the helmet like hair-do. Uncle Brad Pitt said - she somehow looks 'rounder'

and, she's not NADA if she doesn't think she could it herself. To those whom are concern,... she's holding a blunt point scissors with cap by NUK German designed for child use. :)

Leave us alone

I bumped to a friend whom I’ve not met for more than a decade. It was long enough that I almost did not recognize her, definitely contributed by her being so well groomed. She was a tall, beautiful lass then and now she is even more than gorgeous and charming. I got to know her for a very brief period when we both attended an induction program, Petronas organized for their scholarship holders during my first year in uni. Even though we were from different courses, we got acquainted well at the time may be due to many interests that we shared. So I would say, she and I can’t be considered as best or close friends but fair enough to be able to sit down for more than 2 hours to just talk and talk despite not seeing each other for so long.

My friend is now married and not working as she follows her husband almost to every corner of planet Earth due to his nature of work. She wore Nicole Miller, Christian Lacroix, Jimmy Choo and a diamond beaded Rolex. Carried YSL tote. What she had on her when I met her sums to no lesser than 30 grant and with no shame, I told her I was jealous of her. I had on me not more than 3 grant, most I had on my watch only . :( So jet-set la her! PHD – perasaan hasad dengki!

I came to know she’s been married for five years, but yet with any child.

After quite long chit-chatting, she asked me how come I never asked her ‘when’ would she want to have a child. Hmmm? I asked her back – Would she want me to ask her the question? Answer was, not that she wants but at the norm event people would ask.

I am now blessed with a joyful daughter after close to four years the age of my marriage. Before the arrival, I vomited blood every time people asked me the question. And years before, I vomited blood mixed with phlegm every time people asked me – “When are you gonna get married ?”

Are you married ? and When are you gonna get married ? are the kind of questions that very vast different interpretation one could make when being asked in different circumstances.
If I want to know a friend’s status when I really do not know, I’ll ask are you married. When I know and very sure a friend is planning to get married, I’ll ask when are you gonna get married.

But if I already know a friend is NOT married, I won’t ask just for the sake of asking.
When I know or don’t know if a friend is not planning or planning to get married, I won’t ask when are you gonna get married either.

Same thing with having a child. If I know or don’t know a friend is not planning orplanning to get child, I won’t ask when are you gonna get a child.

What I mean here is, I won’t simply ask question in the situation that I am not certain of the other party’s circumstances. I guess, it really ties back to the intention of the people who is asking and the way one asks.

I have had enough of people asking me these unanswerable questions.
If only to me, getting married is as easy as finishing up two plates of Lamb Chop at Victoria Station or if only getting a child is as easy as buying Happy Meal over the Mc Donald’s drive thru counter, I would have answered many people.

Now that I no longer being asked these questions, I am now frequently being asked – Bila nak dapat baby lagi? I would like to say, Sudahlah… Leave us alone, go find something useful to read on.