whm6840: It's Never The Same

I have been stacking up Nada’s homemade frozen rations during the weekend until I ran out of the freezer bags.
(urgh… one of it, I made Fillet of fish (Salmon) with Steamed Vegetables Cheese Sauce…. Curi-curi makan sikit – I tell ya…sedap sampai menjilat jari – whoever want the recipe, just gimme a ring or text. And last night, apart from Chicken with Sparing Vegetables, I also baked her orange pudding for breakfast., pheeewwiiiiit! – I know she’ll gonna love it, the smell of grated orange peel already doubles up her dripping saliva – he, he)

Since I needed to use the ice cube packs for the last batch of rations to finish up the chicken stock last night, I’ve got to transfer those already inside into the freezer bags. So we headed to Carefour Ampang after work. (which my cheeky 6 year old nephew Aqil calls it Carefour Su ! ……. Su is what he calls me and as Carefour Ampang is near to my place, he thought it belongs to me!… that’s how Carefour Su comes about. How I wish…….. to own a Carefour and shake leg.)

Nada has ‘gotten’ her legs for about a couple of months, with me witnessed her first three wobbling steps on 03.03.09. Now, she is more stable in-fact practically running, but still can’t turn back without falling or smoothly while walking. What she’ll do if she wants to turn is make a big loop like a ‘U’ turn…. Or may be a small round-a-bout. Cute, eh?

Last night at Carefour, we let her have the freedom to be on her two legs and was not being cordoned in her Peg-P since we knew it would be an abrupt shopping, she won’t get much tired. (Amazing Race Final for Harris and Prison Break were on the way – I got to finish cooking by 10.30pm! It’s all about planning – kesian nya Scoffield…)

Nada got fascinated with those small tricycle and wheel toys on the floor that she wanted to try and sit on one. However, she was not able to move her legs still and gave us a curious look on her face – Mommy, Daddy…. Why is mine not moving like that boy’s? ….. He he, it’s not battery operated, love! You got to push with your feet.

Harris picked her up… saying… “Nada, Daddy will buy you the tricycle once you are a little bit more stable than now.”
It comes to me – Nada doesn’t have to show good school results or even ask………, her Daddy already made the promise for her.

It’s not the same,…. I never had any bicycle of my own. What I had was a shared old bicycle with my one and only elder ‘sister’, that we both inherited from our aunts – also was earlier shared among them. Cik Jah, Cik Ra, Aunty Jie & Busu. Really, not easy to have anything of my own.

Both of our brothers had a Bicycle Motor Cross (BMX) each. My brother’s was blue-chrome in color and Safrul’s was yellow-chrome. The BMX was supposed to be shared. But, you know with boys….. if we rode the bike for five minutes, that’s considered long enough. I knew my mami can’t afford another bicycle for me and I was fine with that, but Kakak… I think she should have had one.

I remember how she so longed for a bike, one day while washing our bicycle… she uttered out to me that if she ever got a new bicycle, she would wash it e.v.e.r.y day, on her knees, in a deep sobbed and tears rolling her cheeks.
I replied her…. I would be very happy if she has a new bike that I can also borrow and I would be the one to help her wipe clean-dry the bicycle…… But sadly,……….. she too never had any new bike.
(I sincerely invite Miss Lavender’s comments if the event that I pen down here is wrongly recorded or not agreeable to her, vice-versa)

Those days in a typical Malay Kelantaneese family, the sons are always prioritize beyond daughters especially from their own mothers. This one value that I have observed long enough, I totally disagree with it and I vow to myself that I shall never implement it. Girls are as good as boys if not for the better. The princess from heaven, I now have – Nada is in-fact the BEST.

I have always been known as being independent even as a child. Me, hardly ask anything from my mami. At times, my mami brought me to town for her tailoring need shopping. We usually would stop by at a supermarket called Chin Seng. It was my mami’s favorite place, I guess. May be also due to it’s convenience. It was near to the Bazaar which was at one time a wet market and the ‘taxi-sapu’ station. If I ever followed my mami, it was ‘look-only’ not ‘look-and-buy’.

Apart from the necessities like school fees, school allowance, school tuition fees and stuff , the two things that I can recall really requesting my mami to buy for me were :
1. At Std Six – A plastic see-through school bag, written “Happy Sammy”. It was an ‘in’ thing at that time. Many of my friends already have it and I wanted it too. I have been using the same school bag from Std One, my aunty – Cik Ra bought in KL.
So, I think I deserve that bag, huh. It was not easy,…. I quietly cried under a dressing table surrounded by stacks of my school books after my request was objected for the existing bag was still in good condition.
Until Busu fished me out from under the dressing table and convinced my mami to buy. Thank You, Busu…. I got my cream color plastic see through “Happy Sammy” bag.

2. At Form One – A Guy Laroche watch. Also, got influenced by school friends. My mami told me, it’s an expensive watch…if she buy the watch for me, she’d no longer be buying me any watches if I spoil it. I agreed. Yup… it cost close to RM 450 considered expensive for my mami and for me too.
I used the same watch all the way until I change for Tissot that I am now wearing being part of my wedding hantaran. That was f***ing good 17 years okay…. for a watch. Don’t know how many times the battery and straps have been changed. My ex-bf once got the opportunity to choose the strap. He chose black leather strap.

Truly, it’s never the same between of what I had and of what my daughter had or about to have.

When I want my daughter to inherit the ‘strong’ characters especially being independent out of me, I also want to give as much as I could to her.

When I want my daughter to understand it’s not easy to earn a penny, I also want her to have the luxury that I can afford to give, I once not able to have.

When I want my daughter to appreciate every single toy that she has, I also keep buying for her more and more.

When I want my daughter to love me for the love that I shower her and not the material, I also keep thinking that RM950 Maxi Cosi toddler car seat I’ve been eyeing is better than the China Product – Hartford toddler car seat. Macam mana ni??????

Help me, help me, Ya Allah…. Help me to set things right, to guide me if I go overboard. Help me to always portray fine qualities benefited for my girl, just like I benefited from my mami.

In conjunction to the Mother’s Day this year …. we are treating our mothers for a little trip to Bandung the coming week. Hope they will like it.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers in the world.

Mommy, I’m all ready for Bandung too.