It's Never The Same

I have been stacking up Nada’s homemade frozen rations during the weekend until I ran out of the freezer bags.
(urgh… one of it, I made Fillet of fish (Salmon) with Steamed Vegetables Cheese Sauce…. Curi-curi makan sikit – I tell ya…sedap sampai menjilat jari – whoever want the recipe, just gimme a ring or text. And last night, apart from Chicken with Sparing Vegetables, I also baked her orange pudding for breakfast., pheeewwiiiiit! – I know she’ll gonna love it, the smell of grated orange peel already doubles up her dripping saliva – he, he)

Since I needed to use the ice cube packs for the last batch of rations to finish up the chicken stock last night, I’ve got to transfer those already inside into the freezer bags. So we headed to Carefour Ampang after work. (which my cheeky 6 year old nephew Aqil calls it Carefour Su ! ……. Su is what he calls me and as Carefour Ampang is near to my place, he thought it belongs to me!… that’s how Carefour Su comes about. How I wish…….. to own a Carefour and shake leg.)

Nada has ‘gotten’ her legs for about a couple of months, with me witnessed her first three wobbling steps on 03.03.09. Now, she is more stable in-fact practically running, but still can’t turn back without falling or smoothly while walking. What she’ll do if she wants to turn is make a big loop like a ‘U’ turn…. Or may be a small round-a-bout. Cute, eh?

Last night at Carefour, we let her have the freedom to be on her two legs and was not being cordoned in her Peg-P since we knew it would be an abrupt shopping, she won’t get much tired. (Amazing Race Final for Harris and Prison Break were on the way – I got to finish cooking by 10.30pm! It’s all about planning – kesian nya Scoffield…)

Nada got fascinated with those small tricycle and wheel toys on the floor that she wanted to try and sit on one. However, she was not able to move her legs still and gave us a curious look on her face – Mommy, Daddy…. Why is mine not moving like that boy’s? ….. He he, it’s not battery operated, love! You got to push with your feet.

Harris picked her up… saying… “Nada, Daddy will buy you the tricycle once you are a little bit more stable than now.”
It comes to me – Nada doesn’t have to show good school results or even ask………, her Daddy already made the promise for her.

It’s not the same,…. I never had any bicycle of my own. What I had was a shared old bicycle with my one and only elder ‘sister’, that we both inherited from our aunts – also was earlier shared among them. Cik Jah, Cik Ra, Aunty Jie & Busu. Really, not easy to have anything of my own.

Both of our brothers had a Bicycle Motor Cross (BMX) each. My brother’s was blue-chrome in color and Safrul’s was yellow-chrome. The BMX was supposed to be shared. But, you know with boys….. if we rode the bike for five minutes, that’s considered long enough. I knew my mami can’t afford another bicycle for me and I was fine with that, but Kakak… I think she should have had one.

I remember how she so longed for a bike, one day while washing our bicycle… she uttered out to me that if she ever got a new bicycle, she would wash it e.v.e.r.y day, on her knees, in a deep sobbed and tears rolling her cheeks.
I replied her…. I would be very happy if she has a new bike that I can also borrow and I would be the one to help her wipe clean-dry the bicycle…… But sadly,……….. she too never had any new bike.
(I sincerely invite Miss Lavender’s comments if the event that I pen down here is wrongly recorded or not agreeable to her, vice-versa)

Those days in a typical Malay Kelantaneese family, the sons are always prioritize beyond daughters especially from their own mothers. This one value that I have observed long enough, I totally disagree with it and I vow to myself that I shall never implement it. Girls are as good as boys if not for the better. The princess from heaven, I now have – Nada is in-fact the BEST.

I have always been known as being independent even as a child. Me, hardly ask anything from my mami. At times, my mami brought me to town for her tailoring need shopping. We usually would stop by at a supermarket called Chin Seng. It was my mami’s favorite place, I guess. May be also due to it’s convenience. It was near to the Bazaar which was at one time a wet market and the ‘taxi-sapu’ station. If I ever followed my mami, it was ‘look-only’ not ‘look-and-buy’.

Apart from the necessities like school fees, school allowance, school tuition fees and stuff , the two things that I can recall really requesting my mami to buy for me were :
1. At Std Six – A plastic see-through school bag, written “Happy Sammy”. It was an ‘in’ thing at that time. Many of my friends already have it and I wanted it too. I have been using the same school bag from Std One, my aunty – Cik Ra bought in KL.
So, I think I deserve that bag, huh. It was not easy,…. I quietly cried under a dressing table surrounded by stacks of my school books after my request was objected for the existing bag was still in good condition.
Until Busu fished me out from under the dressing table and convinced my mami to buy. Thank You, Busu…. I got my cream color plastic see through “Happy Sammy” bag.

2. At Form One – A Guy Laroche watch. Also, got influenced by school friends. My mami told me, it’s an expensive watch…if she buy the watch for me, she’d no longer be buying me any watches if I spoil it. I agreed. Yup… it cost close to RM 450 considered expensive for my mami and for me too.
I used the same watch all the way until I change for Tissot that I am now wearing being part of my wedding hantaran. That was f***ing good 17 years okay…. for a watch. Don’t know how many times the battery and straps have been changed. My ex-bf once got the opportunity to choose the strap. He chose black leather strap.

Truly, it’s never the same between of what I had and of what my daughter had or about to have.

When I want my daughter to inherit the ‘strong’ characters especially being independent out of me, I also want to give as much as I could to her.

When I want my daughter to understand it’s not easy to earn a penny, I also want her to have the luxury that I can afford to give, I once not able to have.

When I want my daughter to appreciate every single toy that she has, I also keep buying for her more and more.

When I want my daughter to love me for the love that I shower her and not the material, I also keep thinking that RM950 Maxi Cosi toddler car seat I’ve been eyeing is better than the China Product – Hartford toddler car seat. Macam mana ni??????

Help me, help me, Ya Allah…. Help me to set things right, to guide me if I go overboard. Help me to always portray fine qualities benefited for my girl, just like I benefited from my mami.

In conjunction to the Mother’s Day this year …. we are treating our mothers for a little trip to Bandung the coming week. Hope they will like it.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers in the world.

Mommy, I’m all ready for Bandung too.

Girls of my life. Told my mami – tak payah pakai lipstick la mi, u’ll look younger than I do. Jeles of her fresh facial even at 59.

Now And Back Then

Nada had the fourth fever since she was born for whole week couple of weeks back at her 14months and 3 weeks of age. It was the second episode that her fever prolonged for more than two days after her first, during Aidilfitri last year when she caught up with measles.

I reckon she must have gotten the viral infection from me, for I was the one whom was sick few days before her. As much as I tried not to pass the viruses to her, ensuring that I washed my hands every time before I picked her up, forbid myself from preparing her formulas and meals, touched less on her toys (can’t help but to touch – to clear the mess!), still she somehow got it. Must be very strong kuman from me.

It was so heartbreaking seeing a sick child, opposing to eat and even drink. The prescribed paracetamol seems to work that her temperature subsided after consumption. But nearing to six hours after meds, her temperature arose sometimes up to 39.7 deg Celcius, I got so nervous.
I have friends whom inform me that they actually scheduled meds for their children every 4 hours, but I don’t dare to do so as what prescribed for paracetamol is every 6 hours. Further more, I was hoping for her own body to fight and recuperate, not depending much on meds.

Alhamdullillah, she pulled through after almost 7 freaking days for me. Harris decided that we should bring her to see the doctor again, just for a follow-up check-up the last 2 Sundays. Nada no longer had fever but was weak and so much less active than usual. Fine…. Another visit to the family physician – Dr Azizah.

I briefed the doc of Nada’s condition and she had the checked. Slight wheezing sound due to phlegm can be heard and her inner ears were red, the doc told me. Hah! I was terrified. I’ve read before that middle ear infection can lead to Meningitis or may be Pneumococcal and I tabled my concern to the doctor. Indeed Nada had her Pneumococcal vaccine jabs, I was still worried, of course.

The doc informed us to reserve the concern, that it didn’t look bad and also advised for Nada’s blood to be taken for a lab test. She had the fever for more than 4 days anyway, that it’d do good for a check-up.
Think-think-think…. Okaylah, we’d go for the blood test.

Despite being weak, Nada was fighting so hard when her blood needed to be taken. Shouting and struggling like nobody’s business. I felt so bad that she had to go through all that hassle and god knows how my heart cried looking at her. She must have hated me for holding her tight and forced her to lie down on that hard bed in the clinic. How I prayed that she’d forgive me and know, it’s all meant for her good.

We had dinner while waiting for the lab test results. It was nice dishes at Seri Penang but all go through our throat tasteless thinking more of the results.
Back to the clinic for the results interpretation, I was so relieved. No bacterial infection or any kind but Nada was so-so-so low of water. I noticed it too that her lips were cracked and even her dripping saliva dried up! I’ve got to ensure she consumes more water.
We were also suggested to opt for PediaSure formula, according to the doc it prevent illness better…. by her experience. Tah betol tah tidak.

But as a mom, I wanna give it a go … so we scoot around for the PediaSure formula. Since the clinic is already near to Tesco Ampang, we headed there first.

Harris told me… dear, mahalnya susu ni, the moment he found it. Frankly, I don’t really know or maybe know next to nothing on formula prices because that department is taken care by Harris. My part usually falls to the secondary things yang membazir-bazir. Like beli baju-baju, reben-reben, toys ‘mengarut2’ and stuff. Oh well, I contribute to the monthly education insurance fund. *Not to feel so bad*:-)

Nada is on Anmum after weaning from breastfeeding. It was just a random pick. Not that we were so fond of it – neither we believe she’ll get cleverer by having it, but she seems tolerable with it. No vomiting and her poops are nice in shape and the color is right. * A bit ‘yucky’ here * Also among the many samples that I collected, I like Anmum’s taste the best. I am a milk-lover…. So yes, I tasted all the varieties of free samples I collected from clinics, Carefour, Giant, Tesco… bla-bla-bla.
Harris said PediaSure almost doubled Anmum price … me then leave it to him to decide. Ding-dong-ding-dong, he still bought.

My mami once asked the Anmum formula price of which she already considered that as expensive. She told me, I consumed Dumex in my days and it only cost about “RM belas-belas” per can. (of how many kg – I don’t know). I turned out well (only thing is, bit too short! - must be DNA....) and was not a sick baby either. It’s true also la….

Hmmmm, now and back then, how things are different. Whatever things my mami provided for me was the best she could have done. I’ll never criticize, not on a single thing.

As it is my time to give now, I thought if I can afford … and it is still within my limitations, why not get the better.
But, how do I know that it’s actually better? So, currently I am on my short term task to do own reads. I want to find out more information on baby formulas. I know – I know…. Should have done this donkey years ago! .. But, heck… better late than never. (Talk about excuses..)

Every single manufacturer claims they produce good formula… but let one mad mommy here ascertain what is good.

I am sure by the time I complete the task I can tell by heart every single component with it’s details of percentage – whatnot, contained in each formula ever exist on the supermarket rack. What the hell is DHA, AHA, GA .. bla, bla, bla. Provided the information stated there in is of a true account! Crazy me, huh.

Of all, every body knows … Breastfeeding is the best.

The under weather girl whom doesn't want to eat, trying to hide... but mommy still wants to feed her.

Tired after playing, happy with the mess ... and tertido! Back then, i didn't have as many toys as hers at this age. I am glad though,... I now have the best 'toy' one could ever have.... and that is Nada Firas

POLYGAMY IN MY EYES

I had a ‘fight’…. Relax-relax-relax… calm down, not with my other half but with few men. When I say few, there were about 9 to 10 of them against just me, only me… seorang perempuan Melayu berkulit gelap dengan ketinggian tidak sampai 5’. If it was a physical fight, I could have been bloody wounded on the floor, thankfully it was a word fight.

Those 10 men were Chinese males being associated with me through work. I am engaged in an industry being dominated by male gender and the scenario is even more difficult for me that I am working in a Non-bumi architectural firm. So is to say, my office will end up with private jobs and by rule of thumb those involve around it are also the Non-Bumis. It is pretty normal for me to chair a meeting full of Chinese males except for me, a Malay female. And I tell you, it was never-never been easy to make them listen to me until I learned how. I guess, the gist of all is always the knowledge. When you know your stuff well, people will respect and look at you in a different way.

I also learned for the matters that I am not good with, I swallowed my guts and in a prideful manner admit the lack. Again, people will in a way respect you and don’t mind then sharing the knowledge they have.

I don’t remember how the matter was brought up, somehow we end up in a deep discussion turned argument about polygamy. Apparently, they viewed that it is a bias to Muslim females for Islam to permit polygamy. May be they just want to ‘poke’ me, but there I was performing whatever ‘silat’ trying to defend the Hukum when the subject is a taboo to most Muslimahs. With no at all in-depth study pertaining polygamy, I tried my best to bring the good side of it. : -(. Stories of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w and stuffs.
Of course, I also crossed the line pointing out on issues like mistresses, adultery, importance of Nasab in Islam and sex within certain parameters that I set.
At all times, tried to seed in them the beauty of polygamy that I do believe Islam has made it for.

Kalau discuss dengan jantan-jantan Muslim yang gagah perkasa…. Senang pulak rasanya, when I just have to stand strong showing how bad polygamy may turn out to be due to kelemahan-kelemahan manusia yang mudah lupa ini!

Over the ‘fight’, I made it clear that I do not know for the truth of the matter why and for what reason polygamy is permitted in Islam besides all the good deeds portrait by Prophet Muhammad s.a.w in exercising polygamy.
However, I opine that Allah s.w.t as creator of all mankind knows the fullest. And because He knows all, He knows polygamy is necessary. I always say, men don’t have to have a reason for polygamy. It just it. My true encounter, I know :
….. Someone whom intended for polygamy for reason many of my family members think the wife could be too fierce. Not sure if he actually marries the other woman.

….. Someone whom exercises polygamy when the wife hardly raise her voice more than one decibel to him. Always was a beautiful wife until now she doesn’t care less of her appearance for her madu… bukannya cantik pun. To say if it’s because she doesn’t do cooking much, her madu doesn’t too.

….. Someone whom married her high school sweet heart that she regarded the love of her life and spent years of ups and downs right from the time studying abroad together, ended into a divorce because ex-husband was into polygamy and now she is somehow somebody else’s second wife.

….. Someone of my age agreed for polygamy being the third wife to a husband more than twice of our age or can also be called as granddad.

….. Fair enough with wealth the Sultan of Brunei has, he can afford to have two wives, but I know someone whom married a fishmonger as a second wife and the husband’s income is barely enough to support one family for a day to meet an end. Now that the husband does small contracting jobs building houses, he intends for a third wife! Guanno tuh? *geleng kepala sikit*

So, where do we draw the line for reasons of polygamy? For me, it needs no reason at all.

The golden question during the fight was…. Semestinya, how do I take if my husband wants to exercise this right of his. Toing!!!!!!
I told them, I’m not gonna be a fake and lie. I surely will be mad and I don’t have the purest heart to let go my husband. On the other hand, I never exclude myself on the probability of being in the situation. The rational part of my brain says so.

I will be infuriated and if when Volcano Tambora erupted in the year 1815, world temperature dropped due to ash covering and caused a year without summer, I think my madness will probably produce the heat that may raise the world temperature resulting all ice in Alaska and Antarctica melt. (….okeh, okeh, exaggerating!)

However, really against all odds that he had taken measures on the responsibilities he has to bear for wanting to put himself in the situation….. how much can I stop him anyway if he had decided so? Betul tak?

One thing for sure, I always tell Harris… for whatever rationale, do confront me. Never do it at my back, never cheat on me. CHEATING ME IS INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE. I can’t tolerate that. Hope he’ll understand the extent that I can take and the extent that I can’t.

US, Happily married for this far, and pray for ever after.

AN EXAM

Pertubuhan Akitek Malaysia or widely known as PAM, organized the yearly Members’ Night event few weeks back. Like the norms, newly elected Corporate Members were presented with the certificates during the Night.

my... i am so short!

I received my certificate during the night too since I was one of the newly elected. For any graduate architects in Malaysia to be entitled into the Corporate Member category, one gigantic hurdle to leap over is the Professional Part 3 Exam.

It is to my believe that this exam is known as a ‘very-very scary’ exam due to it's toughness to most who ventured into architectural line, right from the start being a student of the course. The fact that failing rate triple the passing rate every year makes this scary feeling even more sound. Repeating to sit for the examination is considered as acceptable. Some do it 2 times, 3 times, 4 times…. Even 12 times.. I heard before. Some lost the battle to fight and could no longer be bothered to further sit for the exam.

I knew I’ve got to at least try to sit for the exam since my university study, but I admit it’s my boss whom actually had driven me to do so. That – I thank him lots. From the early months that I was attached to the company, he had been implementing into us all young graduate architects to take on the exam. Also, with my cousin Safrul’s success being entitled as a Licensed Surveyor and of what he told me, that I’d never know how the exam be until I sit for myself…….. ya…I was pretty sure, I’ve got to give it a go.
Not only after two years of working I did fill in my practical experience log book, being a requirement to be fulfilled prior sitting for the exam. So, the lazy me. Two years is the minimum period mandatory for log book and to be submitted by end February, a year in-advanced of your intended year to take the exam.
So, I submitted mine in 2007 only to sit for exam in 2008.

When I mean to sit for the exam, never that I expected to be gotten pregnant. But, it was okay…. The whole of pregnancy was fine… and bukannya study pun! Again, so the lazy me. I gave birth to a long waited lovely girl, Nada Firas bt Abdul Harris on end January 08.

The written exam is usually scheduled in July yearly with a compulsory pass of oral exam earlier being carried out in May. So, before giving birth, I thought I would gonna have a lot of time to study during the confinement. Damn! I was wrong. With a newborn to juggle, myself to take care off… not much time left. Should there be any, I just wanted to lay my feet up and relax.
Errrrrr…. Or also I wanted to accompany my mami watching all the soaps on tele. 10.30am – drama Melayu on tv2, 11.30am – drama Indon on tv3, 2.00pm – drama Hindustan on tv2 again, 4.00pm – drama Taiwan. Well, pick one!
He.. he… So don’t blame on the time. It’s not the real thing.. Time and again, the lazy me.

In April PAM conducted optional tutorial classes with certain fees to be paid for whom are taking the exam. It was actually my turning point to realize the exam was not far away as I attended the tutorial classes and I was snapped off from my lay back period. When I attended the classes, I noted how advanced other candidates were in way of their preparation. Some have already have their thick notes being marked according to chapters, scribbles shown it has been read… maybe twice or even over and over again. Some told me they have been having study groups for a year and had weekly discussion, that the exam was getting closer, they have it twice a week. Some remember contract clauses by heart. Not that I do not know the clauses… but I do not memorize the clauses numbers! My notes were so clean with no single scratch. I just bought a day before the class started. Aduh… I got kan-chiong.

After the first class I ran to my ever-dependable husband Harris, to share my kan-chiongness. This guy, he can take every thing lightly.(except if he’s late to catch for a flight). I was told to face the exam my own way, never in anybody else’s shoes. I thank him dearly for all his words and supports. When I say I got backache sitting on the stool to study, he bought me a new chair…. He knew I hate driving, and so willing to send and pick me from classes with our baby girl in the car seat – barely 3 months old. At times he would bring Nada for outings to malls while waiting for me. He would make sure he had completed all his “attending-to-toilets” business at home before leaving for the malls and not to eat or drink a lot. If not…. How la? As for praying time, he would pushed the stroller into the surau, let Nada waited in it while taking ablution and placed Nada by his side during praying!… Cool, huh! For a man that can do this?

If some people, by some means do not have the privilege to pursue their plan in studying or taking exam of such due to pregnancy or a newborn…. I am grateful enough that I was able to pull through with the great support from a husband.

Realizing that I needed a plan, I structured my own study considering the tons of reading materials and the past years exam questions that I have to go through. Truly, not much time left for me until the exam. Making a plan was easy but to diligently abide by the plan, was a different story all together. I am not the burning the midnight oil type to study even though I was an architecture student. (Well, in university…. Arch. students are always known as “burung hantu” for sleepless nights). I just can’t and always need the good full doze, only an hour or less was spent at nights to study after putting Nada to sleep. Mostly, I would also tertido while tido’kan Nada!

Half hour in the morning before going to work and another half hour after work while waiting for Harris to fetch me. That was about all the time I could squeeze to study during weekdays.
Longer period would be on weekends, sometimes up to two hours a session. Mostly the sessions were after Subuh prayer and during Nada’s morning and afternoon sleep. Again, I was fortunate to have Harris to entertain Nada whenever she was awake.

Baby Nada "accompanying" mommy for before work-morning study

The studying period might look short and insufficient but I just got to do with that. A good way that I always practice myself was, to do the thinking and digesting whatever I learned from the books while doing other things. I might be deep doing house chores but I had my brain doing ‘her’ job too. That was to think and comprehend. Sometimes, Harris also got puzzled with me when I suddenly went – “I think I know the answer ………….. blah, blah, blah” right after I came out from toilet. I did the thinking during my before sleep teeth brushed. Until then, he got used to it already.

However, I do not force the brain to be on the same subject whenever ‘she’ doesn’t want to. Example, if I was watching my favorite programs on tv, the brain usually was concentrating on tv too and preferred not to be disturbed. Should I was watching Prison Break… I’d be Michael Scoffield myself! He he. I am a tele-lover!… for programs that I love la… Not all.

For the oral exam, I begged Harris for a new outfit. Saje je, just to make me a bit happy and gained confidence by the outlook. He bought me a Moschino shirt – my first ever, and I was delighted.
I freaked out on the oral exam day itself, that I called my boss. (of all the people!) Despite having an appointment with a client at that time, he still talked to me. He’s not all that bad after all. My boss told me – “If you fail the exam, Yanti.. I don’t really know who can actually pass!” ???????? Hmmmm, I don’t quite understand either. We ended up the conversation with the client also wishing me good luck. But my boss insisted for NOT wishing any luck as he said I don’t need one… Aparaaaa.

I did fine for oral exam and was notified the results on the spot. Phew, one hurdle leaped.

Near to the written exam, I called my mami to notify that I’d be facing a big exam and wished for her prayers. My mami ( ……… urh…. I can’t even think of what she had helped me on )…., I was emotionally sober to knowing that she made an effort to wake up from her sleep for the midnight Solat Hajat, praying for my success. Shameful, I didn’t even do it for my own self! How can I ever thank her?

I took three days off from work before the written exam day to really concentrate on studying at home, all alone. Even sent Nada to her Nanny’s. I glued myself to the chair with nothing else except books and exam questions. I gathered as many questions as I want to ask or discuss with my colleague whom is a Professional Architect himself that I regard as my mentor. I made it a point to drive myself (mind people – I really hate driving) to office at an ease time for him to attend to me, since I was the one who’s seeking for help.

Day of the exam, I was sent by Harris and of course Nada too. There were two papers to sit, one in the morning and one in the afternoon with lunch break in the middle, making both of them waited for me all day long every where around KL. The Mall, Pavillion, Bird Park….. I made Harris promised that I‘d be able to see him first every time I came out from the exam hall. He kept his words and sure he was right in front of the hall cuddling our precious baby girl.

I was chairing a meeting when I received the text from a friend informing the exam results have been announced and asked for what I’ve got. The usual long winded meeting was sped up and cut short for I can’t wait to reply the text. I was surprised to know it was out and at that moment, I still haven’t received mine. In fact, my results only reached me 2 days later than others at office address.

Seeing the results, I knew I had put in my best effort… but of course there were some reserved deep inside for any failure. So, the fact I passed – what crossed my mind was “I actually made it the FIRST time?” – percaya ada, tak percaya pun ada. Straight I went for an ablution and performed Sujud Syukur, then made the important call to Harris.
After such, only I gave an extreme loud shout that whole office were shocked! He he… bikin gempak sikit. Hmmmm… it really feels so GOOD!
My boss gave me a strong congratulation hand-shake. Pergh ! Harris belanja me a good dinner!

News traveled fast. Meeting clients – they call me Architect ! (must be my boss whom told them..) Conducting site inspections – the contractors call me Architect !. Notes from my boss – he never forgot to put Ar in front of my name. Balik kampong – my cousins call me Ar ! ( this… because I announced it in my blog, he he) even though I have yet to register myself.

Able to be called as an Architect is ‘SOMETHING’ and far difference from Medical Doctors whom may be called as Dr once graduated from school. That’s not the case for my line.
Having the title however, is just a start for me. I am so-so distant from what can be say as true achievement. There are so many things I want to do and I got to work hard for what I want.
For myself - GAMBATE KU DASAI!!!!

I’ll be happy if my write-up here benefits anyone whom reads it, especially my still-schooling young cousins whom all I love. For those who can, many lines may be picked up as reference, guidance and motivation. Like,
… it’a ok to be kanchiong – but, chill! More important is to find ways to get rid of the kanchiongness.
… must plan !
… train ur brain.
… do not complain for not having enough time. Make use of time.
… sought help to anyone who is reliable
… remember, a mother’s prayer will always be the best
… and many-many more.

However, I am not writing intentionally for any other people than for my very own precious love – Nada.
Daddy is right – Always do things in your own shoes and never in anyone else’s.
Mommy is right too – You got to plan your ways in things you want to do and must at best put the highest effort to secure success. Never that it will come to you in a golden plate. One might has best brain but is useless without strain.

Still you fail, you know you have done your best….. and in whatever shape you are, you know you will always have mommy whom loves you unconditionally to run to should you need a shoulder to cry on.

THINGS I LOVE TO DO FOR NADA

I completed another gorgeous dress for Nada. Unlike my first self-made dress for her, this one was quite a bit of intricate to do even though the finished dress looks just as simple. The preparation of polar was helped by my mami and she had earlier warned me, the dress would not be that easy to do. There would be a lot pre-hand stitches if I want the complete product to be nice and neat particularly for the neckline. Briefly, my mami explained to me the areas that she thought I needed help with a piece of old newspaper.

…. In her soft way ….. “Adik ambik kain ni ‘manje gak, Adik letok tepi beloh. Pah gak jahik haluuuuuuh…. Pah balik kok ni. Pah tindih bui kemah. Pah jahik haluh kok tepi ni……..” Her hands treating the old newspaper like a piece of cloth. And me… I also got pening, I knew I’ve got to somehow further figure out by myself.

Any free time I had, I did a lot of thinking on how to execute the dress. During my bathing, in the car during traveling to and from work (good that I don’t have to drive myself) or when my boss starts with his grandmother’s story and I don’t feel concentrating to what he says even though my facial expression might show the opposite. (Sorry, boss!)

Despite the thinking and planning, I still made a mistake for the cloth first cut that I had to re-do. Skill does not come in a day and my mami always told me, if I want to see good end product, I should be patience enough to try until I get it. I am fine with that. Further more I was doing something I love for someone I love so much.

Nada during the dress fitting

Nada wore the dress for first time for an outing dinner with Mentibang’s family. Harris commented, even though the dress’s Sunday is intended to be longer than the Monday ….. somehow it looked to much longer than it was supposed to be.
My eyes too, sense it was not there yet.

Nada was posing in the new dress before dinner.

Indeed, the Monday WAS too long!

I made an alteration in shortening the length of dress lining so that the frills fits just right to be seen. Also, after considering few alternatives in accentuating the look of the dress, I decided for some simple thread embroidery at middle part of the dress.

This finished product – I love it!

I love crafts works, ……MORE than that, just LOVE to make dresses for Nada.

It is a norm event for us to dine out that I can admit our ‘eats’ do take quite a fraction of our monthly expenditure budget. Be it at warungs, restaurants, clubs, hotels where ever. But thus far, I hardly feed Nada any other than homemade food. Fear for suitability, cleanliness, MSG, salt and sugar – I guess.
So, even if we eat at a hotel restaurant, I still pack for her the homemade food.

Small percentage of Nada’s diet would be baby food from supermarket rack like jar food, biscuits, baby yogurts, baby cereals and stuffs. When I started introducing solids for her I did depend on ready baby cereals for about one and a half months, in her 7th plus. Not long, I feel sad for her ….. even though there are so many choices of baby cereals. I do not want to use ‘no time’ as an excuse. So, I followed the advices and suggestions in Baby Food books that I have, by storing homemade puree in the freezer.

All the while, I never thought to take the photographs of all these frozen purees, but Harris…. Semua benda nak ambik gambar!

I am glad I did take the effort. It was an easy-peasy. I just need to thaw the puree in refrigerator overnight. Or… in the morning, make some rice porridge before adding the varieties of puree in. Sometimes, it could be pasta – macaroni or spaghetti. If my morning is early, I freshly cook porridges for her.

3 numbers of Nada’s front teeth had erupted in last 3 weeks and her appetite gets bigger! Usually, I supplied biscuits / ready baby cereal for breakfast and home made porridge for lunch and dinner topped with 3 times 7oz ratio of formula milk to her Nanny’s.

I observed Nada wants to snack quite a lot lately, so I decided…. Before going to work, to also make some breakfast apart from cooking her lunch and dinner to bring to her Nanny’s and leave biscuits for her snacks.

I think I am not that good with cooking but I do love to cook for my girl. Nada is like daddy, she has no rejection for whatever new recipe I tried thus far. It seems…. Semua sedap to her! She used to detest carrot but now I have got no problem with carrots anymore.

Last week I experimented a new recipe for breakfast I got from googling the Toddler Food sites.

MINI MACARONI CHEESE for 8-18 month babies
1. 1/4 cups milk1 bay leaf
2. 4 oz. macaroni or small pasta shapes
3. 1 oz. unsalted butter or margarine4 tablespoons flour

4. 1/2 cup grated Gruyere cheese

a.Heat the milk with the bay leaf until almost boiling. Remove from the heat, cover and leave to infuse.

b.Cook the macaroni.

c. Melt the butter in a clean pan, remove from the heat and stir in the flour. Gradually stir the milk into the pan.

d. Stir the sauce over a medium heat until thickened. Simmer for 3 minutes and then stir in half the cheese and all the macaroni.
e. Spoon into four small baking pans or heatproof dishes. Sprinkle the remaining cheese over each and cook under the broiler until golden.

Chill out…. Who wants to get bay leaves and just use one! I didn’t even try to look for it and replaced with McCormic mixed herbs instead, which I already have it in my kitchen. I do not have an oven, so I steamed the dish using the normal rice cooker.
It turned out well. Nada’s Nanny asked me if I could bring extra because the others liked it too. (She has 3 in her care including Nada). Well, whatever I cooked …. I always reserve for others too. But any extra than that….. with cheese… expensive unsalted butter…. Alamak, I’ll try my best la Cik Nanny.

Nada dines at restaurant, Nada dines on her high chair, Nada savouring every single feed, Nada shouts for more food!

As much as I love to try new recipe for Harris, I love doing the same for Nada too.

Never that I feel so excited when it comes to possessing a gold jewelry… not until I made one for Nada. I have already received the phone call from Habib that her name pendant is ready for collection. Working weekdays seems impossible for us to drop by at the franchise, so I guess we will wait for the coming weekend to pay the visit. I really hope it’s gonna be a beautiful one. OW..

can't wait!

Of all, I hope I will not develop this love to do for Nada into an obsessed.

The US economy must be really bad.... I've been trying to call my share agent in Wall Street and Nikkei, no one pick up my call. Hallo ! Hallo !

THAT'S MY GIRL....

RIDE FOR A SURGERY - THE DAY

We arrived at the hospital 10 minutes later than we were supposed to and I went straight to the ward admission counter. After some documentation work and paying the deposit amount, the same admission staff escorted me to the ward. A ward nurse then measured my height and weight.
Once done and shown to my room, I changed my outfit to the hospital gown and tried to make myself comfortable. Breakfast was served but Harris finished it all on my behalf because I was required to be fasting.

At around 8.30am, an Aesthetician by the name of Dr ARxxx came to see me. He briefed on the procedure and queried if I would be opting full body or half body anesthetic.
I thought since it’s gonna be a minor operation, I chose half body anesthetic knowingly it’s never good to be under anesthetic drugs. I was also required to sign the permission form for allowing drugs to be inserted into my body.
Frankly, I think this Aesthetician got to polish his ‘people skill’. He didn’t speak that well and seems lazy to further explain. He should responsibly give details on what he would do, what type of drug he would use, how long it would take to take effect… bla, bla, bla and most importantly, describe to me what I should expect to feel.
I did ask him the questions, but I know those were ‘lazy answers’ I got from the way he answered. Should he answered same way in his exams during the study and if I would be the lecturer…. I could have failed him. May be he thought, even he explains I wouldn’t understand. WRONG JUDGEMENT!. Lazy bump. Please la doctors…… (all my dear friends whom are doctors, be passionate la sket. There is this word we pronounce as HOSPITALITY fits best in hospitals…….)

A nurse tried to take my blood for testing using the syringe from my left arm, but she failed. I thought so, as I had it before during my pregnancy. I was told my veins were too ‘halus’ and they were deep underneath the skin not wanting to surface even though with arms exercise.
Dr Ishak then came for a ward round check with a nurse, again tried to take my blood from the right arm. This another nurse also failed miserably leaving my arms in a sore due to syringe puncture with no blood coming out.
Final effort was from the doctor himself, using like-butterfly shape clamp.. being inserted to the back of my left palm. Luckily, he didn’t embarrass himself. Siap cakap – ni kalau tak boleh jugak… malu saya dekat ramai nurse nih!

For a long boredom in the room, my turn at last came at around 11.00am. I was required to change bed and was wheeled to the Operation Ward with Harris accompanying me right to the door. In the Operation Ward lobby, I was again transferred to another bed and being asked procedure questions by a nurse – I heard other nurses called her ‘Sister’. Among the questions were :
1. What is your name?
2. Do you know what operation to undergo.
3. Who signed the anesthetic permission form.
One question, I thought I was so blurrr WAS…. Have you been cleaned? In my rightful mind, since Operation Theatre is a room theoretically to be cleaned and sterile, I answered…. Well, I have taken my bath at home before coming to hospital.

The sister gave me one big smile!

Apparently, that was not the answer she expected for the actual question was purportedly – “Have you been shaved?” Kuang – kuang – kuang! How do I know to read between the lines! Just ask-la. Duh.
So folks, should you ever being asked this question, don’t be so *blurr* like me… answer correctly.

After so, only I was wheeled into Operation Ward and being place at another holding area next to a patient. Dr ARxxx came again and checked the information board by my feet. He walked around to and fro with no single word to me and all I knew, injected somekind of drugs (I guess) into the drips. Just about 5 to 10 seconds upon, I felt the effect…. It was cold…. So cold and so vividly felt that the drugs was running thru my legs and my back.

Few nurses were also looking at the information board and asking among themselves on what sort of operation that I would go thru. I was so scared of the operation, but scared more knowing the nurses actually didn’t really understand what was written on the information board.

To nurses, even if you all don’t really know …. Shuh! Talk away from the patient! Apa la!

Then came, a tall-dark-handsome looking guy wearing green color robe and introduced himself to me as Dr Halim – the Aesthetician responsible during my operation. One look of the information board, he explained to the nurses of my operation and they went…. “OOOOooooo”

15 minutes to 12 noon, I was wheeled into the Operation Theatre.
Alahai, again…. So, so scary to me. It was a very cold, bright and so ‘white’ room. In the center was the operation table with huge spot lights about 4 feet above it and sharp utensils at sides. The only good thing about the room was, they played one of my favorite nos by Michael Bolton – Time, Love & Tenderness.

From the bed, I was transited to the operation table. Really, it was hard and so uncomfortable. Dr Halim was sensitive towards my reaction that he ordered an operation theatre staff to place a pillow under my head. There I was on the operation table observing peoples – walking around me, preparing the tools and whatnot.

Not for long I was asked to raise and sit with a slight bend forward holding a pillow close to my chest. Dr Halim told me he would perform the anesthetic injection at the lower part of my backbone or also called as epidural space. I could feel the cold antiseptic solution being rub at my lower back, and with a warning….. Prik! ….. Aduh sakitnya! Besar betul rasa jarum tuh!

Instantly, my legs were heavy and numb. I was helped to being placed on my back and I knew, that was it. I was so terrified which my tears eventually flew out from corners of my eyes vigorously. MAN! I should just have asked for a full body anesthetic!
In a sobbed, I told Dr Halim that – I am scared. This handsome doctor gave a friendly pat on my shoulder ensuring there was nothing to be afraid of. He’s such a gentleman, I was about to ask him if he’s married for I have many SMART-HOT-SINGLE friends that I could introduce to him. Ghee!
He then suggested for sedative to make me sleep. There goes, another drug into my drips.

Now not only my legs were heavy, my head was too. In my heart I was reciting… Subhanallah – Subhanallah – Subhanallah. But far-far-far at the back of my head, I heard Mr Bolton shouting :

When love puts you thru the fire
When love puts you thru the test
Nothing heals a broken heart
Like
Time Love and Tenderness…..

….. Alamak, mana satu nak ikut nih?…. show me the light, ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

RIDE FOR A SURGERY - DAYS BEFORE

It all started when I had a lengthy episode of coughing in December 08 before the Aidiladha. Along with the coughing I felt something is not right, uncomfortable and there was a bulge by the vaginal wall.
But there was no pain at all, I was able to urine as normal and my menstrual cycle was perfectly on time before and even after I could feel the bulge.
I thought, was it the pelvic floor muscle has gone loose due to my coughing?… and further more I was not practicing the Kegel exercise that often anymore due to laziness.
I read an article before, pelvic floor muscle may go loose and sometimes even got hang outside the vaginal as women aged. My…. My not in my 30s!

Anyways, I told my other half that I must see a doctor for an advise. We decided for a visit to my cousin – Feby’s favorite family physician in Ampang – Dr Azizah on 16.12.08. I had a checked and this friendly doctor told me, it was nothing associated with pelvic floor muscle. All of my pelvic floor muscle, ovary and bladder were intact.
The bulge was about 3cm in diameter and she suspected it only contained liquid. She then referred me to an Obstetrician and Gynecologist in Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital who seems to be her friend, Dr Fauziah.

As I went out from her room…. My heart went….. *dup-dap-dup-dap-dup-dap* - a hundred times faster!

The next day, I made my way to APSH to arrange for an appointment. To my astonishment, I would only be able to see Dr Fauziah in a month time, should be on 19.01.09 because she’s only in the clinic for 3 days a week. The others are the locum doctors. Argh!… All these rich doctors in private hospitals. They only have to work 3 days a week and yet so wealthy! (Nada! Mommy wants u to be a doctor in private practices!…. he, he. Whatever……)
I made up my mind, I can’t wait for a month just to see a doctor. There are so many fish in the sea, so why try to fish for a difficult one.

On the 03.01.09, (do not have the chance to go any earlier than the date due to visiting from family all thru Christmas and New Year Hols.) I went to see the OB-GYN whom earlier handled my delivery, Dr Ishak in Seremban Specialist Hospital. From the check, he briefed me that the bulge is called para-urethral mass. Urethra is an area which form a female private part. As to my case, he agreed with Dr Azizah that the bulge looked only contained liquid and suggested for an excision surgery.
DEAR ! … surgery? I had a cold feet and tabled my own suggestion trying to avoid any kind of surgery. I asked Dr Ishak, since it only contains liquid, can we just make some kind of small pierce and let the liquid out?… macam bisul?… he he.

Don’t laugh at me……, he noted it is also one way but by so doing the bulge may reappear and an excision is still a better option.
Hmmmm, I am not so sure if that could be the best advise or he was thinking of RM-RM-RM-RM he would earn by performing the surgery. But who am I to judge a specialist doctor’s advise even though I always know it is not necessarily the best option.

So, there it goes, 16.01.09 was the date scheduled for the surgery. (If I were to wait for the doctor in APSH – I would still be waiting for the appointment date just to see the doctor)

A week before the scheduled surgery, I decided to change the date to 23.01.09. It was because my office would be closing down the whole week of Chinese New Year, so I thought coinciding the break with my surgery would do good to reduce unattended office work once I go back to work.

Am I a good employee or a STUPID one? Most would say a stupid one - when you can have a ‘free’ m.c and skip work, why coincide it with the office break?
Not to feel so stupid I’d like to think of other reasons to postpone the surgery would be, the date 16.01.09 was too near to my menstrual and should I been bedridden at home, Harris would not need to take many days off from work since CNY is declared as public holiday, to take care of me. Further more it was a surgery which was categorized as not so urgently required.

Of all, I was worry the most about Nada. How would I arrange for somebody to take care of her while me being hospitalized? Harris suggested to bring her along but I was not so fond with the idea, knowing it would not be easy, even though I would love to have her around me. I do not want to upset her routine particularly her dines and sleeps if she was also brought to the hospital. I could imagine Harris feeding Nada milk-milk-milk and only milk whenever she cries as how was he going to prepare her meals in the hospital? And should Nada needed her sleep, where would Harris place her? Had I under estimated my husband? Well, I was being practical.

I thought of sending Nada to her Nanny’s, but it was a bad idea either. I don’t feel it was good for Nada to spend her night at the Nanny’s for she might feel – it is bad enough for Mommy to leave me by day, now Mommy wants to leave me here by night too. (Or was it me whom actually felt that way?)

At last, the kindhearted cousin of mine – Feby was glad enough to take care of Nada when I asked her should she was able to, after the suggestion from my another cousin, Kakak. For Nada, I imagined her thinking, it was just a sleepover at her Cik Byie and Uncle Brad Pitt’s place while she could also catch up with her cousins – Big Bro Aqil & Sis Izz.
I have always thought of it but I do not want to burden no one, if possible.

The week before surgery, I spent late nights after work increasing Nada’s puree stocks in the freezer so it would be easy for Harris to prepare her meals should I was unable to do after the surgery. Getting all these brick-a-brack prepared, in a way made myself prepared for the surgery until just a day before, I received a phone call from Dr Ishak’s clinic clerk.

The clerk during her phone call informed me that I should register at an earlier time for ward admission, 8.30am was changed to 7.00am. It was all because she forgot to ask for my signature pursuant to filling in the insurance claim form. Since the surgery can only be performed if clearance from insurance company is obtained, I was needed to arrive earlier than supposed to be to expedite the clearance procedures. Du-uh!

Arriving in SSH at 7.00am means I had to make the move from my place latest by 5.30am, considering a stopover at Feby’s. Not very difficult, but thinking of carrying Nada while she was still sleeping and left her in the dark dawn, she’d freak out …. I don’t think I should.
I told the clerk, 8.30am means 8.30am. I don’t want to change my plan and if need be I would pay the hospital bill in cash and get it claim later.

Out of rage, I notified Harris about the wanted change. Thankfully, Harris has always has his own ways in putting scenarios back in place whenever I can’t.
Since I am the type whom always want things to be in the way I planned and easily get agitated if it slacken, Harris on the hand is a calm and cool type, so he balances me well. This is one of many things that make us compatible this far. After a good discussion and comprehending Harris’s saying, I was no longer the fierce-ugly monster wanting to eat the clinic clerk but all relaxed and composed, accepting that I just have to be in the hospital at 7.00am. Lets not make a fuss about it.