Mommy is tired

I am tired.
Could somebody tell me how to get money flowing in without having to work my ass like a donkey or by just shaking legs?…. besides being married to a rich old man or to a rich old man’s son. Too bad, I have passed the period of courting!

I am so tired that I feel like taking an unpaid leave for a month and fly to Arctic to join the polar bears hibernating in the caves. It is so overwhelming to reach home after work even though the time shown is 9.00pm by having lil dew running towards me with her arms opened wide wanting me to pick her up.
But…. I felt so helpless that all I did was give her a big hug, lots of kiss and carry her for not more than 60 seconds because I was tired.

I am so tired, still I do not want to restrict my little darling having fun with her toys just because I would get scorching head to tidy up the mess she’d make. Dew’s favorite is ransacking my handbag looking for my purse and stationary case which if full of colored pens, pencils, markers, art liners, scale rulers, rubber erasers, cutter and little stapler – I am an Architect maaaaa….. YES, I carry all these in my bag. Upon finding the two, she’d take out everything inside on to the floor. She’ll be VERY happy exploring.
I am so tired, I wanted to shout at her – STOP! Mommy has no energy to pick up the mess…. But I didn’t because I am too guilty to stop her.

I am so tired, though I know my dearest other half loves real hot Darjeeling tea with slight lemon juice and slice to be accompanied with IKO biscuits for supper, I only served him 3 in 1 instant coffee mixed with semi-hot water which already been kept in the trusted thermos for more than 24 hours.
I am too tired to fill up the jug kettle to boil water, too tired to prepare the tea, too tired to cut the lemon and squeeze for it’s juice! I am so tired – I just did the extent that I could.

I am so tired, I dozed off on the sofa in front of tele while entertaining my love dancing knowing loads of chores to be done at the back of my head.

Nada dancing her part Sarawak Sumazau and part Maori Hakka dance………..

My sleep on the sofa hardly continue past midnight, I reflexively wake up after close to couple hours of nap nearing to 12 night not surprise with the house condition which is like a tongkang pecah or telah dilanggar garuda. Sigh! Leave that a side first. Turn on tele channel 702, ahah! Have a laugh with The Nanny & Friends, if it’s Thursday… 107 for Grey’s Anatomy re-run and make sure a box of tissue is by my side.

I am so tired, I have no choice but to resume with the mundane things though it’s 1am. I’d start with laundry if any of the two laundry bags (one for Harris and me, one for Dew) is shouting that it could no longer hold, washing Dew’s bottles and food thermos, sterilizing, preparation for breakfast, tidying up the messy house, vacuuming if need be (well, no neighbors yet complain) watering and talking to my cute little pot plants, hanging dry the laundry and thousand and one others to do until I decide it is enough for the day and to stop for hot shower.

All the necessities had been done.

I am so tired, sometimes I find myself crying on prayer mat.

Still I am so thankful that after a long tiring day, I took a peep to Dew’s room to find out that my dearest husband had done a good job by nicely tucked our baby girl for sleep. I kissed my girl and could smell the Pureen baby toothpaste. Harris abide my instruction – Make sure get lil dew to brush teeth before sleeping! I am happy and whisper to her ears “Ashhadu allailaha illallah, waashhadu anna Muhammadur rasullullah. Aku naik saksi tiada lain yang disembah melainkan Allah dan Aku naik saksi Muhammad (s.a.w) itu pesuruh Allah”.

Again, my tears flow…. how I regret the much that I let pass my darling day-by-day growing up. I know No numbers of videoes or pictures will be enough to capture her antics. But until I am senile, I would always trust myself that I have enough memory of my little girl to remind me that she has a vast space deep in my heart.

I decided to lay next to her, hold her close to me, smell her nice jasmine-like scent.

Mommy is just merely tired.

Weekend morning at a neighbourhood park

Now And Back Then

Nada had the fourth fever since she was born for whole week couple of weeks back at her 14months and 3 weeks of age. It was the second episode that her fever prolonged for more than two days after her first, during Aidilfitri last year when she caught up with measles.

I reckon she must have gotten the viral infection from me, for I was the one whom was sick few days before her. As much as I tried not to pass the viruses to her, ensuring that I washed my hands every time before I picked her up, forbid myself from preparing her formulas and meals, touched less on her toys (can’t help but to touch – to clear the mess!), still she somehow got it. Must be very strong kuman from me.

It was so heartbreaking seeing a sick child, opposing to eat and even drink. The prescribed paracetamol seems to work that her temperature subsided after consumption. But nearing to six hours after meds, her temperature arose sometimes up to 39.7 deg Celcius, I got so nervous.
I have friends whom inform me that they actually scheduled meds for their children every 4 hours, but I don’t dare to do so as what prescribed for paracetamol is every 6 hours. Further more, I was hoping for her own body to fight and recuperate, not depending much on meds.

Alhamdullillah, she pulled through after almost 7 freaking days for me. Harris decided that we should bring her to see the doctor again, just for a follow-up check-up the last 2 Sundays. Nada no longer had fever but was weak and so much less active than usual. Fine…. Another visit to the family physician – Dr Azizah.

I briefed the doc of Nada’s condition and she had the checked. Slight wheezing sound due to phlegm can be heard and her inner ears were red, the doc told me. Hah! I was terrified. I’ve read before that middle ear infection can lead to Meningitis or may be Pneumococcal and I tabled my concern to the doctor. Indeed Nada had her Pneumococcal vaccine jabs, I was still worried, of course.

The doc informed us to reserve the concern, that it didn’t look bad and also advised for Nada’s blood to be taken for a lab test. She had the fever for more than 4 days anyway, that it’d do good for a check-up.
Think-think-think…. Okaylah, we’d go for the blood test.

Despite being weak, Nada was fighting so hard when her blood needed to be taken. Shouting and struggling like nobody’s business. I felt so bad that she had to go through all that hassle and god knows how my heart cried looking at her. She must have hated me for holding her tight and forced her to lie down on that hard bed in the clinic. How I prayed that she’d forgive me and know, it’s all meant for her good.

We had dinner while waiting for the lab test results. It was nice dishes at Seri Penang but all go through our throat tasteless thinking more of the results.
Back to the clinic for the results interpretation, I was so relieved. No bacterial infection or any kind but Nada was so-so-so low of water. I noticed it too that her lips were cracked and even her dripping saliva dried up! I’ve got to ensure she consumes more water.
We were also suggested to opt for PediaSure formula, according to the doc it prevent illness better…. by her experience. Tah betol tah tidak.

But as a mom, I wanna give it a go … so we scoot around for the PediaSure formula. Since the clinic is already near to Tesco Ampang, we headed there first.

Harris told me… dear, mahalnya susu ni, the moment he found it. Frankly, I don’t really know or maybe know next to nothing on formula prices because that department is taken care by Harris. My part usually falls to the secondary things yang membazir-bazir. Like beli baju-baju, reben-reben, toys ‘mengarut2’ and stuff. Oh well, I contribute to the monthly education insurance fund. *Not to feel so bad*:-)

Nada is on Anmum after weaning from breastfeeding. It was just a random pick. Not that we were so fond of it – neither we believe she’ll get cleverer by having it, but she seems tolerable with it. No vomiting and her poops are nice in shape and the color is right. * A bit ‘yucky’ here * Also among the many samples that I collected, I like Anmum’s taste the best. I am a milk-lover…. So yes, I tasted all the varieties of free samples I collected from clinics, Carefour, Giant, Tesco… bla-bla-bla.
Harris said PediaSure almost doubled Anmum price … me then leave it to him to decide. Ding-dong-ding-dong, he still bought.

My mami once asked the Anmum formula price of which she already considered that as expensive. She told me, I consumed Dumex in my days and it only cost about “RM belas-belas” per can. (of how many kg – I don’t know). I turned out well (only thing is, bit too short! - must be DNA....) and was not a sick baby either. It’s true also la….

Hmmmm, now and back then, how things are different. Whatever things my mami provided for me was the best she could have done. I’ll never criticize, not on a single thing.

As it is my time to give now, I thought if I can afford … and it is still within my limitations, why not get the better.
But, how do I know that it’s actually better? So, currently I am on my short term task to do own reads. I want to find out more information on baby formulas. I know – I know…. Should have done this donkey years ago! .. But, heck… better late than never. (Talk about excuses..)

Every single manufacturer claims they produce good formula… but let one mad mommy here ascertain what is good.

I am sure by the time I complete the task I can tell by heart every single component with it’s details of percentage – whatnot, contained in each formula ever exist on the supermarket rack. What the hell is DHA, AHA, GA .. bla, bla, bla. Provided the information stated there in is of a true account! Crazy me, huh.

Of all, every body knows … Breastfeeding is the best.

The under weather girl whom doesn't want to eat, trying to hide... but mommy still wants to feed her.

Tired after playing, happy with the mess ... and tertido! Back then, i didn't have as many toys as hers at this age. I am glad though,... I now have the best 'toy' one could ever have.... and that is Nada Firas