A Play Room (in memory.. and hoping to have..)

When I was small, my brother and I at times went to our neighbor’s house living across ours to enjoy their abundance of toys. Back then, their house was one of the nice houses which were not even a handful, one can see in Kg Lundang. There was a room designated as a toy room. Pretty sophisticated considering that was back in the early 80’s and top of it, something really rare in Kelantan.

These childhood friends of ours, Azu and Cici were grandsons to a Tok Wakil or so it was.

Our own Pale-green home lawn was always used by the village kids to play Bola Kaki Tiga (three-legged ball), Guruh (Human Fence), Police and Thief or pure running, their fenced lawn however were always keep tidy and neat. I don’t recall village kids entering.

Azu and Cici weren’t like the normal village kids. As one myself, I couldn’t resist the daily outdoor playing till dawn or until my mami shouted “BALIKKKKKKK!!!!!”, from the tiny window where she sew. They were more of the staying home and study type. Hardly got out of the compound. That was why I think they had lots of toys at home and being invited to their toy room was an honor. We love it!

Azu further his studies in the STATES. Sadly, I heard from Mami, Azu lost his life many years ago due to an accident while riding his newly bought super bike upon returning.

I remember him as good looking boy, well mannered and slightly protective over his younger brother Cici.       

Al-Fatihah

Gone the 80’s… Every home now if possible needs a toy room ……

Pink kitchen stove still standing

Punggah Abang Aqil.. Punggah…

Stove gone

Playing alone….. No fun!

About school

Every time I received a telephone call from Kindicare, my mind starts to wonder the "bad" things. It happened again this morning.
It is because, they are particular and very hands-on of each child well being. The few calls I had before :

1. "Hi Yanti... this is Aunty Jeanne. I have to inform you that Nada fell off the swing during outdoor time that is about a foot high from the ground. She hit back of her head onto the soft turf ground. The aunties weren't able to catch in-time before she fell. She cried out of shock for about two minutes and we are now monitoring her. She's having lunch now and looking fine with no signs of swollen, bleeding or vomiting. Please let the Nanny knows about the fall for she could monitor her as well once we send her home after "school".
I am really sorry that this happened on our ground."
AFTERMATH : Nada was fine.

2. "Hi Yanti... this is Aunty Jeanne. Nada's left eye is a little bit red and watery. She said - it's itchy. We're putting her in a separate room with Aunty Cat to look after her."
AFTERMATH : Nada contracted conjunctivitis from Mommy that lasted for a day.

3. "Hi Yanti.. this is Aunty Shanty calling on behalf of Aunty Jeanne. Nada had fever at about 10 this morning, so we didn't allow her to the pool. She's a bit sad because of that, we ensure her there will be more swimming after today. Just before we sent her home, her temperature was 38.6 degree Celsius."
AFTERMATH : Indeed she had fever lasted for two days.

TODAY'S call/message on my voice mail was :
"Hi Yanti.. this is Aunty Jeanne, please call me back when you are free....."

I called :
"Hi Yanti... Ya.. I want to let you know, we now have vacancy in Daffodil class. As follow-up of last Saturday, parents-teacher meeting.. Nada's physical co-ordination, social interactions is fit for the class. She's also 3 yrs plus, we think we are able to move her from Baby-Buttercup class. Is it okay with you? If you permit, she'll be moved with Caleb, her best friend. In that way, she wouldn't feel alone. We'll start by gradually leading her to Daffodil, may be one hour of playing time the first few days until she's comfortable."

Mommy scratched her head and trying to sound smart : "Öh well Aunty Jeanne, if you think it's appropriate with her, I wouldn't mind... I'm just worried if she couldn't adapt...."

Aunty Jeanne : "We'll monitor on that.. we'll explain to her.. y'know may be telling her, she's a big girl that she now got to do more adventurous stuff. You could also talk to her that she'll be in a new class..."

Mommy goes to work today thinking : "My girl already has a best friend? Oh! How she grew up!"*sob*

Hopefully, it's never too late

My friend posted an entry in her blog listing a planner checklist for herself prior to Ramadan. I realized that I missed out a lot of things and sort of made a little wish inside me – to have a better Ramadan this year. I know I am no pious person but I want to put extra effort comparing to former year. That brings me to constant Tadarus after my prayers.
Again as I started, I realized I have no less than three Qurans in my house.. but all are so new and crisp with no folded ears. I am shame to admit that they are hardly used, only about once a week on Thursday nights for reciting Surah Yassin.

The recite of the first page left tears at corner of my eyes, how I read the Aliflaammiim in such difficulty. I braced to recite further bearing in mind the Hadith I learnt from my friend’s checklist. (TQ Uji.)
“He who recites the Quran fluently will be in the company of the noble and virtuous angels, and he who recites the Quran haltingly and with difficulty will have a double reward” – Al-Bukhari & Muslim

I was so-so embarrassed of myself when my mind drifted to the yesteryears of my childhood moments.

I started to learn the Muqaddam, Kelantanese called Surat Kecik (dulu-dulu mana ada Iqra’) when I was 7 years old. My first day at primary school was also my first day for reciting Quran classes at Mok Cik Aji’s. She lived in a nice white and blue wooden house surrounded with rambutan trees of a corner lot.
Apart from having our Quran at Mok Cik Aji’s house, we had our sarongs and scarfs too. This is to cover our legs and head for those whom went to school in pinafore. So, we just put on the sarong underneath the pinafore and that’s it! Attire for Quran reciting.

Busu whom is my mami’s youngest sister was in her Form 6 at the neighboring secondary school when I was in Standard 1. By the reason, my mami asked me to walk to and from school with her right from the start. My cousin sister studied in the same school but we were not able to walk together as she was in the afternoon session differ from mine being in the morning session.

Busu sent me to the school’s gate the first day and asked – “Adik, berani ke pergi kelas sendiri?”. I said – Yes.

Then we were off for our own way. I walked to my class 1 Hijau by myself fearless, even though I had never gone to Kindergarten. Bravery from a lot of playing - I must say. (What happen to kids nowadays that need parents to accompany for school? I don’t see my daughter as any difference.)

I headed straight to Mok Cik Aji’s house after school from the first day also on foot sometimes alone, sometimes accompanied by friends with a big yellow cloth hat my mami made for me to protect my head from the scorching sun. I love the hat that one day, a playful boy from the same mengaji class snatched it from me while I was wearing and ran away back to his huge house. I didn’t give a hoot and chased him right into his house and went shouting with his mother nearby – BUI TOPI SAYO BALIIIIK!! – means : Give my hat back!!!. The boy’s mom must have shocked to see a short little girl almost like a dwarf with such a fierce face… quickly went to get the hat from his son and lent it back to me. That’s me – don’t mess around ok.

My reciting Quran classes lasted until Busu came to fetch me. It was quite the right timing, even though I got to wait for her sometimes as secondary school finished so much later than the lower primary session.
I didn’t take long to know Alif, Ba, Ta and subsequently be fluent enough with my reciting of the Surah. With such capability Mok Cik Aji asked me to listen and to help with others whom she would think I would be able to teach, many times those older than me. I was still in Standard 1 at that time and eventually I need not have to wait for Busu to fetch me but she had to wait for me instead because my reciting Quran would finished very-very late. Dah jadi tok guru pulak beb…..

Speaking of tok guru, Mok Cik Aji was so good with kalimah Allah s.w.t, she could have five to six person around her reciting different Surah at the same time and could still noticed any flaws in her students readings. There was one day, I tried to ‘cheat’ her. We were all needed to recite on our own before reciting in front of her. Since I already had few rounds reciting the same page over-over again I decided to recite the next page in front of her. The moment I recite the first verse – Piap!!!!!! Her lidi swayed on my Quran – MUNG LAKA KO YATI? Means – You skip page, Yanti? (She called me Yati) – Baco doh takdi mok cikkk, my voice shivered.
No, I got to go back to the page that I was supposed to. And tell ya, that’s when I already Khatam Quran for don’t know what number. Indeed she was very fierce, my cousin Feby only dare to go mengaji with her once.

It is a normal customary in a Malay family to have Khatam Quran function when one completed reciting the first round of Quran. My brother and cousin sister had it concurrently when they were in Standard 6 which was also joint by me as I also had completed mine. I was in Standard 4 then, about to finish for the second time. It was an exaggerated function with pulut kuning, bunga telur and dias, place for us to recite Quran. Mok Cik Aji lead us all for the Majlis.

I love Mok Cik Aji - she told me : Mung panda ngaji Yati.... Jange tingga lah, baco Qro'e ni.

Now you know why I was so embarrassed of myself and had tears in my eyes? If Mok Cik Aji is alive she would be embarrassed of me too.
What damage have I done? MasyaAllah. A capability that I used to have it in such great skill is slipping away. All due to my own fault.

It’s been two weeks of Ramadan, I felt a slight relief that after a week of faltering … I now recite better. I pray for Allah s.w.t to forgive my sins and accept my little good deeds. Amin.

It's Never The Same

I have been stacking up Nada’s homemade frozen rations during the weekend until I ran out of the freezer bags.
(urgh… one of it, I made Fillet of fish (Salmon) with Steamed Vegetables Cheese Sauce…. Curi-curi makan sikit – I tell ya…sedap sampai menjilat jari – whoever want the recipe, just gimme a ring or text. And last night, apart from Chicken with Sparing Vegetables, I also baked her orange pudding for breakfast., pheeewwiiiiit! – I know she’ll gonna love it, the smell of grated orange peel already doubles up her dripping saliva – he, he)

Since I needed to use the ice cube packs for the last batch of rations to finish up the chicken stock last night, I’ve got to transfer those already inside into the freezer bags. So we headed to Carefour Ampang after work. (which my cheeky 6 year old nephew Aqil calls it Carefour Su ! ……. Su is what he calls me and as Carefour Ampang is near to my place, he thought it belongs to me!… that’s how Carefour Su comes about. How I wish…….. to own a Carefour and shake leg.)

Nada has ‘gotten’ her legs for about a couple of months, with me witnessed her first three wobbling steps on 03.03.09. Now, she is more stable in-fact practically running, but still can’t turn back without falling or smoothly while walking. What she’ll do if she wants to turn is make a big loop like a ‘U’ turn…. Or may be a small round-a-bout. Cute, eh?

Last night at Carefour, we let her have the freedom to be on her two legs and was not being cordoned in her Peg-P since we knew it would be an abrupt shopping, she won’t get much tired. (Amazing Race Final for Harris and Prison Break were on the way – I got to finish cooking by 10.30pm! It’s all about planning – kesian nya Scoffield…)

Nada got fascinated with those small tricycle and wheel toys on the floor that she wanted to try and sit on one. However, she was not able to move her legs still and gave us a curious look on her face – Mommy, Daddy…. Why is mine not moving like that boy’s? ….. He he, it’s not battery operated, love! You got to push with your feet.

Harris picked her up… saying… “Nada, Daddy will buy you the tricycle once you are a little bit more stable than now.”
It comes to me – Nada doesn’t have to show good school results or even ask………, her Daddy already made the promise for her.

It’s not the same,…. I never had any bicycle of my own. What I had was a shared old bicycle with my one and only elder ‘sister’, that we both inherited from our aunts – also was earlier shared among them. Cik Jah, Cik Ra, Aunty Jie & Busu. Really, not easy to have anything of my own.

Both of our brothers had a Bicycle Motor Cross (BMX) each. My brother’s was blue-chrome in color and Safrul’s was yellow-chrome. The BMX was supposed to be shared. But, you know with boys….. if we rode the bike for five minutes, that’s considered long enough. I knew my mami can’t afford another bicycle for me and I was fine with that, but Kakak… I think she should have had one.

I remember how she so longed for a bike, one day while washing our bicycle… she uttered out to me that if she ever got a new bicycle, she would wash it e.v.e.r.y day, on her knees, in a deep sobbed and tears rolling her cheeks.
I replied her…. I would be very happy if she has a new bike that I can also borrow and I would be the one to help her wipe clean-dry the bicycle…… But sadly,……….. she too never had any new bike.
(I sincerely invite Miss Lavender’s comments if the event that I pen down here is wrongly recorded or not agreeable to her, vice-versa)

Those days in a typical Malay Kelantaneese family, the sons are always prioritize beyond daughters especially from their own mothers. This one value that I have observed long enough, I totally disagree with it and I vow to myself that I shall never implement it. Girls are as good as boys if not for the better. The princess from heaven, I now have – Nada is in-fact the BEST.

I have always been known as being independent even as a child. Me, hardly ask anything from my mami. At times, my mami brought me to town for her tailoring need shopping. We usually would stop by at a supermarket called Chin Seng. It was my mami’s favorite place, I guess. May be also due to it’s convenience. It was near to the Bazaar which was at one time a wet market and the ‘taxi-sapu’ station. If I ever followed my mami, it was ‘look-only’ not ‘look-and-buy’.

Apart from the necessities like school fees, school allowance, school tuition fees and stuff , the two things that I can recall really requesting my mami to buy for me were :
1. At Std Six – A plastic see-through school bag, written “Happy Sammy”. It was an ‘in’ thing at that time. Many of my friends already have it and I wanted it too. I have been using the same school bag from Std One, my aunty – Cik Ra bought in KL.
So, I think I deserve that bag, huh. It was not easy,…. I quietly cried under a dressing table surrounded by stacks of my school books after my request was objected for the existing bag was still in good condition.
Until Busu fished me out from under the dressing table and convinced my mami to buy. Thank You, Busu…. I got my cream color plastic see through “Happy Sammy” bag.

2. At Form One – A Guy Laroche watch. Also, got influenced by school friends. My mami told me, it’s an expensive watch…if she buy the watch for me, she’d no longer be buying me any watches if I spoil it. I agreed. Yup… it cost close to RM 450 considered expensive for my mami and for me too.
I used the same watch all the way until I change for Tissot that I am now wearing being part of my wedding hantaran. That was f***ing good 17 years okay…. for a watch. Don’t know how many times the battery and straps have been changed. My ex-bf once got the opportunity to choose the strap. He chose black leather strap.

Truly, it’s never the same between of what I had and of what my daughter had or about to have.

When I want my daughter to inherit the ‘strong’ characters especially being independent out of me, I also want to give as much as I could to her.

When I want my daughter to understand it’s not easy to earn a penny, I also want her to have the luxury that I can afford to give, I once not able to have.

When I want my daughter to appreciate every single toy that she has, I also keep buying for her more and more.

When I want my daughter to love me for the love that I shower her and not the material, I also keep thinking that RM950 Maxi Cosi toddler car seat I’ve been eyeing is better than the China Product – Hartford toddler car seat. Macam mana ni??????

Help me, help me, Ya Allah…. Help me to set things right, to guide me if I go overboard. Help me to always portray fine qualities benefited for my girl, just like I benefited from my mami.

In conjunction to the Mother’s Day this year …. we are treating our mothers for a little trip to Bandung the coming week. Hope they will like it.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers in the world.

Mommy, I’m all ready for Bandung too.

Girls of my life. Told my mami – tak payah pakai lipstick la mi, u’ll look younger than I do. Jeles of her fresh facial even at 59.

Now And Back Then

Nada had the fourth fever since she was born for whole week couple of weeks back at her 14months and 3 weeks of age. It was the second episode that her fever prolonged for more than two days after her first, during Aidilfitri last year when she caught up with measles.

I reckon she must have gotten the viral infection from me, for I was the one whom was sick few days before her. As much as I tried not to pass the viruses to her, ensuring that I washed my hands every time before I picked her up, forbid myself from preparing her formulas and meals, touched less on her toys (can’t help but to touch – to clear the mess!), still she somehow got it. Must be very strong kuman from me.

It was so heartbreaking seeing a sick child, opposing to eat and even drink. The prescribed paracetamol seems to work that her temperature subsided after consumption. But nearing to six hours after meds, her temperature arose sometimes up to 39.7 deg Celcius, I got so nervous.
I have friends whom inform me that they actually scheduled meds for their children every 4 hours, but I don’t dare to do so as what prescribed for paracetamol is every 6 hours. Further more, I was hoping for her own body to fight and recuperate, not depending much on meds.

Alhamdullillah, she pulled through after almost 7 freaking days for me. Harris decided that we should bring her to see the doctor again, just for a follow-up check-up the last 2 Sundays. Nada no longer had fever but was weak and so much less active than usual. Fine…. Another visit to the family physician – Dr Azizah.

I briefed the doc of Nada’s condition and she had the checked. Slight wheezing sound due to phlegm can be heard and her inner ears were red, the doc told me. Hah! I was terrified. I’ve read before that middle ear infection can lead to Meningitis or may be Pneumococcal and I tabled my concern to the doctor. Indeed Nada had her Pneumococcal vaccine jabs, I was still worried, of course.

The doc informed us to reserve the concern, that it didn’t look bad and also advised for Nada’s blood to be taken for a lab test. She had the fever for more than 4 days anyway, that it’d do good for a check-up.
Think-think-think…. Okaylah, we’d go for the blood test.

Despite being weak, Nada was fighting so hard when her blood needed to be taken. Shouting and struggling like nobody’s business. I felt so bad that she had to go through all that hassle and god knows how my heart cried looking at her. She must have hated me for holding her tight and forced her to lie down on that hard bed in the clinic. How I prayed that she’d forgive me and know, it’s all meant for her good.

We had dinner while waiting for the lab test results. It was nice dishes at Seri Penang but all go through our throat tasteless thinking more of the results.
Back to the clinic for the results interpretation, I was so relieved. No bacterial infection or any kind but Nada was so-so-so low of water. I noticed it too that her lips were cracked and even her dripping saliva dried up! I’ve got to ensure she consumes more water.
We were also suggested to opt for PediaSure formula, according to the doc it prevent illness better…. by her experience. Tah betol tah tidak.

But as a mom, I wanna give it a go … so we scoot around for the PediaSure formula. Since the clinic is already near to Tesco Ampang, we headed there first.

Harris told me… dear, mahalnya susu ni, the moment he found it. Frankly, I don’t really know or maybe know next to nothing on formula prices because that department is taken care by Harris. My part usually falls to the secondary things yang membazir-bazir. Like beli baju-baju, reben-reben, toys ‘mengarut2’ and stuff. Oh well, I contribute to the monthly education insurance fund. *Not to feel so bad*:-)

Nada is on Anmum after weaning from breastfeeding. It was just a random pick. Not that we were so fond of it – neither we believe she’ll get cleverer by having it, but she seems tolerable with it. No vomiting and her poops are nice in shape and the color is right. * A bit ‘yucky’ here * Also among the many samples that I collected, I like Anmum’s taste the best. I am a milk-lover…. So yes, I tasted all the varieties of free samples I collected from clinics, Carefour, Giant, Tesco… bla-bla-bla.
Harris said PediaSure almost doubled Anmum price … me then leave it to him to decide. Ding-dong-ding-dong, he still bought.

My mami once asked the Anmum formula price of which she already considered that as expensive. She told me, I consumed Dumex in my days and it only cost about “RM belas-belas” per can. (of how many kg – I don’t know). I turned out well (only thing is, bit too short! - must be DNA....) and was not a sick baby either. It’s true also la….

Hmmmm, now and back then, how things are different. Whatever things my mami provided for me was the best she could have done. I’ll never criticize, not on a single thing.

As it is my time to give now, I thought if I can afford … and it is still within my limitations, why not get the better.
But, how do I know that it’s actually better? So, currently I am on my short term task to do own reads. I want to find out more information on baby formulas. I know – I know…. Should have done this donkey years ago! .. But, heck… better late than never. (Talk about excuses..)

Every single manufacturer claims they produce good formula… but let one mad mommy here ascertain what is good.

I am sure by the time I complete the task I can tell by heart every single component with it’s details of percentage – whatnot, contained in each formula ever exist on the supermarket rack. What the hell is DHA, AHA, GA .. bla, bla, bla. Provided the information stated there in is of a true account! Crazy me, huh.

Of all, every body knows … Breastfeeding is the best.

The under weather girl whom doesn't want to eat, trying to hide... but mommy still wants to feed her.

Tired after playing, happy with the mess ... and tertido! Back then, i didn't have as many toys as hers at this age. I am glad though,... I now have the best 'toy' one could ever have.... and that is Nada Firas

..IT'S A PALE GREEN HOME by YantiMahamud

Chapter 3 – Ibu Rumah

A typical Malay traditional house that I learned during my architectural study must always have the poise and grandeur of ‘Ibu Rumah’. This significant element was also reflected to my home.
The Ibu Rumah of my home began right from the front main entrance door with the size, I estimate, was 15ft x 12ft almost a square shape. This part, it actually contradicted with the theory that I learned, of which it is supposed to be an ‘anjung’ or a semi private area for any traditional house acts as a transition area before entering the Ibu Rumah.
We don’t have any ‘anjung’.

The space then lead to a bigger main area of approximately 27ft x 30ft. Big, huh? And believe it or not, there was only one ceiling fan at the center of this huge space back then. I remember, I used to directly headed to the area upon a tired long walk in the afternoon hot sun for returning home from school and reciting Quran, took my afternoon nap under the fan with just my undies.
One rule by Mok, all of her grandchildren under her care must take afternoon nap on daily basis! It’s for resting according to her. So it was not only me… there were few nos of us … “selonggok bawah kipas!”. Sometimes, with one’s head at somebody’s foot.
One cousin whom always had the longest sleep was Rafiyuddin.
After our nap, we love so much if Mok fed all of us under the fan if not at the legendary bright orange concrete staircase. Our favorite was rice mixed with tomato ketchup and soya sauce coupled with soya sauce scrambled egg. My cousin Safrul, would not trade with anything else for this simple gourmet. Don’t know if he still have the love for soya sauce scramble egg now…

Both of these squares spaces of Ibu Rumah were linked and divided into 5 areas with designated function. There were a formal living area, formal dining area, family / tv area, multipurpose area and also an area separated from the multipurpose area by a checkered wooden divider fronting the formal living with the most frequently changed look almost like a chameleon making it as my favorite area of all.

Sometimes, Mok placed two of one seater sofa guarding a huge flower bouquet there. At another time, Mok would convert it to an ‘audio’ area by putting a radio. Also it could be a display area for her shining antique copper gadgets such as big pots, small pots, iron, trays, candle holder and whatnot. If Mok feels to just dress it up with only a nice carpet and few cushions, it then would look that way.
Whatever way Mok did it, it was always looked good with the checkered wooden divider as the backdrop full of Mok’s little display items, example from the many types are China-Japan ceramic saucers and glasses, copper mascara container from Mecca and souvenirs from weddings.

What makes this chameleon like area more makes sense was it’s strategic location. It was at the heart of the home and being a focal point for anyone entering the home from it’s main entrance, as they walked pass through the formal living area.

The formal living area on the other hand, I consider it as Mok’s show-off show room. Well, her showing off was not to other people but her own-self for satisfaction. It’s the area where Mok would place the best furniture set with the finest upholstery cover usually matched the curtains complete with knitted or embroidered chair-back and small cushions. The coffee table must always be complemented with a pretty cover and changed of flower bouquets. So were the corners of living area, must always be beautify with flower bouquets or any displays. Ash-trays must always be emptied and cleaned up. It was really a nice-neat space, well lit-up and airy caused by the crossed ventilation.
The only thing…, we can’t really spend our time at the formal living. It was supposed to be Mok’s ‘show room’!… not a play area for a mess by her many grandchildren…. But we don’t really care, there were plenty of other spaces in the home. If not, the home compound is big enough for our runs!

Mok serves the multipurpose area as an ironing space and for telephone. The telephone was so logical that Mok locate it so near to her bedroom so that she was able to monitor who used the phone even if when she was sleeping. Oh dear, Mok has beautiful daughters – my aunties and also growing up grandchildren who just love to hang on the phone!
I don’t really know why the ironing table was placed there though. I guess… because there was a socket at that spot?
But somehow, it worked well. It was not far from my mami’s sewing area that she had to commute from her sewing machine to press the cloth during her sewing. And at night, despite the ironing table was placed at the multipurpose area, there was no need to switch light on for ironing. The light from family or tv area where we usually spend awake time at night the most would be enough.
Mok usually did the ironing at nights. Again, Mok was the one ironing the school uniforms for her grandchildren staying with her, under her care. Mok would neatly placed all the ironed uniforms including our socks and handkerchief according to each of the grandchildren for the ease of us in the morning! Very particular and I really thank Mok, not only for all her does for me but the great example she had portrayed. I must have got the gene from her when it comes to being neat and proper.
We were considered as best dressed kids to school in our kampong with cleaned, ironed uniforms every day. Wonderful.

My home, seemed so modest……… but was a very practical and so beautiful in it’s own way. The home itself, the events that took placed in it be a sweet or a sour one, the way things were done in it… had been a canvas to my childhood life. It was painted so well that I now develop to be the person whom loves herself so much.